CES 2016: The Brilliantly Bizarre Technology Highlights… So Far

Alpha 2 Robot
Indeed. UBTECH bring robots to life, and they want yoga!

It’s CES 2016 and, my word, some weird technology has been on show. The event, held in Las Vegas, is used to show off some fancy stuff in order to wow the world of business and the consumerist morons they pander to. In a press release titled Next generation of Innovation Debuts as CES 2016 Kicks Off, CES politely informed editors to bear in mind the following: “The official name of the global technology event is ‘CES.’ Please do not use ‘Consumer Electronics Show’ or ‘International CES’ to refer to the event.” Duly noted!

The Consumer Electronics Show has been in operation for 49 years, which is one less than 50. International CES in 2016 has already shown off the likes of a washing machine which lets you add clothes to the wash… even after you’ve set off the wash cycle! Clearly, miracles are indeed possible. This is what this thing is all about, so let us pick up on the stuff we found particularly amusing or bemusing. Onwards!

CES 2016: The Technology!

Okay, so we’ve rounded up the weirdest and freakiest technology to highlight stuff you’ll stare at and think “Brilliant!” or “Interesting…” and, ultimately, never purchase. Anyway, we’ve highlighted the three things which made us sit up (even though we’re already, technically, seated whilst we write this – we’re kind of slouching, though) and pay attention. By jove, these things will change the world!

One Massive Drone on Society

Say hello to the enormous, human transporting drone called the Ehang 184. Created from the colossal minds of Enhang Inc. , this thing is like a small helicopter. What you do, right, is set a flight path, get in, and tell it to “take off” or “land” as required. It’ll transport you to your destination in a lucid, tranquil, and enjoyable flying experience, we’re sure.

We assume there will be additional commands, such as “MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!”, “Oh… my… GOD! I’M ON FIRE!”, and “Jesus ****ing Christ, how do you control this piece of ****?!?” These would, arguably, be in keeping with one’s thoughts and feelings as you climb into a computer controlled aircraft which intends to take you to the local shop for a pint of almond milk (Hipster!), but accidentally flies you to the North Pole. Anyway, we’ll know more once the official manual has been foisted on society.

Smelly Alarm Clock

Sensorwake
Wake up to the foul stench of man feet every day!

Weirdly (and, to be honest, brilliantly) there’s also an olfactory alarm clock called Sensorwake. You put what we’ve dubbed “Smell Sticks” into the device, and these will go off at a time of your choosing. Essentially, you’ll wake up to the smell of your choosing! Brilliant, although the smell options at present leave a lot to be desired. Peppermint and seaside smells? LOL! WTF?!

We’d much prefer a choice such as “Severe Body Odour Issues Smell”, “Muck Spreading Stench”, “Unholy Milk That’s Gone Off”, and “Rotten Egg Putrescence”. All of which are designed to force you out of bed with a jolt of repugnance – perfect for those difficult early starts!

Yoga Loving Robot

Alpha 2 Robots
Stop making out, you two! We can’t stand PDAs.

There was also the robot called Alpha 2. Made by UBTECH, these little dudes dance and perform yoga. Seemingly as an afterthought, its designers also developed it to translate languages (amongst other things). Humans are still infatuated with the notion robots may one day be able to do everything for us, leaving us to sit around ruminating on how comfy our armchairs are.

This got us thinking – what would we really want from a robot? It’s all very well and good having a dancing, yoga loving robot, but why not a deranged lunatic whom enjoys all things deranged and lunatic based? As a result, we’ve put together blueprints for our design, which we’ve named the Psycho-Path X2. Follow the link to read all about it!

2 comments

  1. Okay, the EGGHANG… er EHANG is of no interest to me! However, the stinking alarm makes a lot of sense. I mean having to awaken when I don’t want already stinks. It’s perfect!

    • It’s pretty ingenious, it surprises me this hasn’t been done before. I can imagine and 1970s version with the pleasant aromas of drugs, cheap beer, and harsh aftershave. Not that I was around in the ’70s, but that’s what I’m presuming everything stank of.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s