Exclusive Invention: The TeNT (for explosive camping fun!)

The TeNT
The TeNT functions perfectly in destroying appallingly idyllic scenes such as this.

Trinitrotoluene (better known as TNT, or the fun stuff you see in Disney cartoons) functions wonderfully as an industrial explosive, but no one has ever thought to combine it with a tent. This is why we’ve invented the TeNT, which is a tent and chemical compound infusion which makes camping easier and much more (wait for it)… dynamite!

The idea behind it is to have a disposable tent in your backpack. Rather than having to faff about when you need to pack up and go, you can simply detonate your TenT in a controlled explosion and move on to your next destination. It’s the miracle of contemporary camping – it accommodates laziness and only has minor impact on the local environment!

The TeNT

Camping can be great fun, so long as you’re not mauled by a rampaging grizzly bear. Indeed, waking up at 7am to see the sunrise and sticking some baked beans on your hob is one of the most life-affirming experiences any human being can enjoy (except if a rampaging grizzly bear suddenly appears bounding ferociously across a nearby hill).

The TeNT panders to your camping desires by functioning as a normal tent. You simply lay it all out, have your kip, sit out thunderstorms, and then prepare to leave. Rather than the bloody hassle of packing it all away, however, you simply prep the explosive, move 50ft away to a safety zone, and blow the bloody thing to bits!

Admittedly, one downside is (depending on the length of your camping trip) you will need to carry several TeNTs with you if you don’t want to have to sleep in a hedge when you run out. Yes, the TeNT is sadly not reusable after it has been blown to smithereens.

Luckily, the product is pretty light (merely weighing the same as a medium sized labrador) and it is convenient to carry in a separate backpack along with your pickaxes, shotguns, bazooka, and tins of baked beans. Truly, it’s the only way to camp in the modern era.

Accidental Explosion Warning

Although we tested the TeNT vigorously in Platt Fields Park in Fallowfield of Manchester, the product did have an alarming habit of spontaneously exploding when we didn’t want it to. Luckily, we weren’t standing anywhere near the thing at the time, and presume this is merely a design fault with the first batch we made (known as TeNT 1.0).

Instead of gluing the TNT section to the tent, we’ll now weld it on for TeNT 2.0 models, which will be available in stores for £300 ($500) this December. Hurry whilst stocks last, they may have all inadvertently detonated before you can get to them! We jest. Seriously, the product is as safe as the Hindenburg.

You’ll be able to purchase TeNT 1.0 models at a discount price of £50 ($70) due to the severe safety hazard they pose to consumers. Seriously, if you’re in one of these things when it goes off you will not be a happy camper! Just simply be aware of your surroundings at all times, and never detonate the product if you’re standing within 10ft of it. Enjoy!


  1. The TeNT 2.0 sounds like the perfect Christmas gift for all of my outdoorsy friends. TY, Professional Moron! You’ve hit your head on the nail again!


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