You likely have a sofa at home and sit on it for various activities. You may bemoan the fact it doesn’t also act as a cooling fan during the summer and winter months. Why the latter? Well, it might get a bit warm with your central heating blasting away. Now we know climate change is a hoax thanks to a certain political figure, let’s ramp up our electricity bills and burn our way into the future!
This is why the soFan has been invented. It’s your standard sofa, but with an industrial high velocity 54 inch floor drum fan installed in the back. That SOB has two speeds in the form of ultra-fast and super-ultra-fast. It’s a robust unit which will knock anyone over who dares walk behind it, but it’ll help cool air be blasted around your environment for a chilled out time of it. Huzzah!
As a comfy sofa and fan all-in-one, the soFan can’t be beaten. It’s ideal for all your sitting purposes. You can even lean on it if you want (from the side – for the love of god, don’t stand behind the thing!), or perch on the armrest, or lie down on it and take in the soothing sounds of a 2,000rpm, 300W fan working at 100% capacity mere inches away from you.
Indeed, the fan kicks up such a rate of power you’ll have to nail the soFan into the floor to ensure you’re not buffeted about your home by the velocity of the wind being generated. If you want, you can take the nails out and use the soFan as a makeshift mobility scooter – it depends how lazy you are. Just be aware this thing is about as controllable as a drunk football hooligan.
At a cost of only £1,000 ($1,500), you can have one installed in your home by hairy workmen showing bum cleavage. So you get the aesthetic treat of this, plus a sofa which will leave you moderately fanned but in a state of perpetual peril. Good, huh?
“SoFubar, More Like!”
Hey, none of that superfluous criticism, thanks! The soFan has been specifically created for people who want a sofa with a fan in it – believe us, there’s a ready and willing market out there waiting for such a luxury.
Do note, the soFan does have a severe habit of overheating within 10 minutes of use. This can lead to the fan erupting in flames without warning. If this happens, and you’re not burned to death, you can contact our customer support line for a 2.5% discount on your next soFan!
The rest of the time, it’s a wonderfully comfortable sofa and fan which only occasionally throws a blade leading to open wounds and considerable anguish. If this does happen, simply pour petrol on your injury, close the wound provisionally with some staples (like Matt Damon in the Martian), and head to your nearest hospital for some morphine.