Right – Withnail and I celebrated its 30th anniversary recently and, if you’ve not seen it yet, now is the bloody time! If you have seen it, we guess you’ll have a huge range of quotes from the film swimming around in your skull like the geek you well and truly are. Bravo!

Arguably the most famous of the lot, and certainly the most popular amongst students, is the immortal line you’ve already seen written above. Bellowed by an outraged Withnail (Richard E. Grant) on one freezing cold London morning, it’s the stuff of legend. However, what if Withnail had already been drunk and said something a tad different?

I demand to have some booze!

The original in all its deified glory. It’s the moment every student in the UK has identified with and gone – “Proper L oh L! Hey, Joshua, listen to me as I copy this quote from this film. Watch. Come on! Pay attention to me! Here we go – I EXPECT TO CONSUME SOME ALCOHOL! LOL! LOL! LOL!” etc.

I demand to have some ooze!

Nothing wrong with a bit of ooze. Good for the soul. Good for the hair, too, although that’s usually called “gel”.

I demand to have some news!

Well then read one of the newspapers strewn around your squalid flat, man!

I demand to have a snooze!

When you’re as drunk as he is most of the time, that’s a decent request. You’re unemployed though, man, just sleep wherever. Even a park bench, if you want.

I demand to have some moos!

Withnail could have said this later on in the film during the infamous randy bull scene.

I demand to have some boos!

Presumably, most actors have to face the jeers of a dissatisfied public one time or another. Withnail, proactively, is embracing this.

I demand to have some boobs!

Typical bloody man with his sense of entitlement… Richard E. Grant would look ridiculous with a boob job, anyway.

I demand to have some cues!

Visual or audio, Withnail? Props? Come on, man, you’re the thespian!

I demand to have some queues!

Being British, Withnail would have been an expert at queuing politely. Indeed, it’s a national pastime.

I have cash in hand to have some booze!

Well, this is how it usually works, anyway. You use cash to buy stuff. Fact.

I demand to have some blues!

How about the glorious King Curtis jazz thing from the start of the film, Withnail?

I demand to have some kangaroos!

Yeah, you’re not going to find any of those in London, dude.

I demand to have some zoos!

Plenty of zoos in London, Withnail. You even visit one right at the end of the film, you idiot!

I demand to have some clues!

We guess Withnail went to a lot of pub quizzes during his time in London, so this would have been a regular saying of his. Or maybe he was playing Cluedo with I.

I joined a band to have some booze!

Yeah, a lot of men, do Withnail. A lot of men do.

I got tanned to have some booze!

Yeah, again, a lot of Brits head abroad to get tanned and drink heavily. Nothing new there.

I ampersand to have some booze!

Withnail and I or Withnail & I? Well, it’s the former, but the ampersand looks as cute as a button there, non?

And finally…

I demand to have some shrews!

Lay off the lighter fluid, Withnail.