Signing off from an email is one of the most difficult tasks any working professional must face. And it occurs on a regular basis. Thusly, you have to get it all perfected quick – otherwise you’re going to look like a total git.
Kindly Rear Guards
First off, let’s take a look at the “normal” ways to end an email and/or letter and/or text messages. The most common examples include:
- Best regards: Safe and secure with this one, you are. Functional and professional. Just remember to not write “worst regards”, even if you really want to.
- Kind regards: You’re suffering great confusion about your professional sign-offs. Even though you’ve just fired 17 staff members, rounding off with “Kind regards” shows you’re not a total despot. Hopefully.
- Regards: You don’t got no time to write “best” or “kind”. Who cares? That one word will do because, now, you gotta go and do a v lookup in Excel.
- Yours sincerely: You’re sickeningly polite, proud of it, and this will do nicely to show you’re not at all lying, not never. It wasn’t you who keeps stealing company pens. Honest.
- Thanks: Yeah, this will do if you can’t be bothered with the professional stuff.
- Cheers: This signifies you’re a laid back individual and easily approachable. You take your work seriously, but not so seriously you’re an utter professional bore.
As always, we’re here to champion an upheaval to the established order. A
- Yours since early: A passive aggressive way to let someone know you’ve been awake since early O’clock.
- Yours fitfully: Is the person you’re messaging always a bit fitful? Include this on as a bit of a laugh.
- You’res: A plea for help – perhaps then your employer will fund some grammatical lessons.
- Best rear guards: Total failure to understand what’s going on, but still… the word “rear” is in there. Lol.
- Worst regards: Self-explanatory.
- Peace and vegetables: The official Professional Moron sign off right here, right there. Use it at your leisure! It’s a belting one.
- Bastard: A real eye-catching way to end your message. This will leave them mortified and worried they’ve done something to upset you. Good!
Dear sir or madam, I was most aggrieved to find you stole my shed and then used the wood to set fire to my home. This is arson and it will not do. Expect a lawsuit post haste. Should that fail, I'll hunt you down and destroy your life! Best regards, [Insert name]
This is an effective way to channel your inner hatred, whilst ending on a note to ensure the individual knows you’re a consummate professional.
Just bear in mind with the above example, you could change the “Best regards” to something such as “Bastard”.
But it’s usually not a good thing to sign off emails with profanity. Especially in a business environment. You don’t send your boss an email and wrap it up with, “Die in Hell, you cretinous slimeball!” Do you? No. It’s unprofessional.