A while back, we reviewed the prescient entertainment industry satire Network (1976). Peter Finch’s character goes a bit mental in that and is exploited for TV rating excellence.

He’s a bit mad, you see. And he captures the spirit of our time, even though that was back in 1976. But, being mad and everything, what if he’d quipped something else?

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!

First off, before all the stupid stuff below, Finch won a posthumous Oscar for his performance. The English-Australian actor died suddenly in 1977 before it release – he was 60. But this film is a fitting memorial for his talents.

And, also, he captures that feeling of going a bit mad. Wouldn’t you say?

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

We’ll leave it to grammar freaks whether they think the comma after “hell” is worthy or not. What do you think?

I are as mad as hell and I are not gonna take it no more lol

If Peter Finch was a Generation Zer, this is how he’d put it these days. Because the lingo is what that is what there that be is.

I’m as bad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Michael Jackson sponsored this one, so it’s a product placement of sorts. Boo etc.

I’m mad at my smell and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Okay, mate, calm down. Have a shower or something. Light a scented candle.

I’m as mad as Shell and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Indeed that’s why, as Shell, you pretend to care about climate change yet spend $22 million lobbying against it.

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this into folklore!

Good for you, mate. No one expected that of you. Well done. Pat on the back.

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this without a guarantor!

Oh, cripes, you need one of those do you? Bloody hell, you have various references already.

I’m as bald as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Okay, well perhaps try a wide variety of toupées until you find the one that suits you. And since when was hell bald? Oh, the high temperatures. Got you. Incinerates everything.

I’m in Stalingrad, it’s hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Yes. Pretty accurate assement of that nightmare, well done Peter Finch. Let’s hope there’s an alien abduction to whisk you off to a new planet pronto.

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this Eeyore!

Not the type of language you expect from Winnie-the-Pooh, eh? You’d expect toilet humour. poo etc. But not references to the spiritual realm of evil and suffering.

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to endure snowflakes anymore!

Okay, mate, but have you considered the generational divide? What you think of as “snowflakes” are the purveyors of your generation’s destructive attributes. Yeah. Think on that!

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not getting a Boeing 747 to take this anymore!

Well, you really don’t need to take a flight to assert how mad as hell you are, dude. Just use Skype. You know? Whomever you wish to belabour, do so through environmental means. Such as cheese.

And finally…

I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to bake this anymore!

Peter Finch, you’re not on a cooking show. It’s not the Great British Bake Off, Come Dine With Me, Kitchen Nightmares, or The Simpsons. You’re on TV. Say something, goddammit!