After our recent Lawrence of Arabia (1962) review, we thought we’d pick at some of its most notable quotes. In the way vultures pick at a corpse. Except in this instance, it’s a really lovely corpse (the film is excellent).

And we’re starting with T.E. Lawrence’s showboating line. All while thinking… what if he’d used his university education to say something cleverer?

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it hurts

Here’s the original in all its glory. Delivered to perfection by Peter O’Toole in his finest RP English accent available. Bravo!

The trick, Harry Potter, is not minding that it hurts

Indeed, why not? A remake of this film starring Harry Potter, and featuring him more throughout the film with magic and stuff, would be superb.

The trick, mate, is not givin’ a fuck

If you’re from Northern England and one of those chaps who “tells it like it is” and is edgy like that (as you don’t understand tact), this is what should have been said. Rather!

Don’t be such a pansy!

Similar as above, but with “pansy” thrown in for good measure.

Snowflake!

Yeah, got to get the good old wokey snowflake stuff in there for good measure because, you know, got to flex out stupidity muscles.

The trick, William Potter, isn’t minding that it hurts

We’re just sticking this one in here and letting grammar nerds battle it out.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it flirts

Well… let the flirting commence then, Mr. O’Toole!

The trick, William Potter, is not minding its skirts

Too true! If you want to wear a skirt, it’s none of your bloody business. Why, we’re wearing skirts right now as we type this thing out.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding its shirts

Well, unless they’re really horrible garish shirts. Or those lumberjack shirts guys wear when they’ve abandoned having a sense of STYLE.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it blurts

He’s got a good point here for all of us, we guess, for anyone with someone verbose in their life. They blurt? Don’t worry about it.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding that it diverts

Indeed, you should always treat road diversions as all-important. If you don’t, you could end up plunging into a ditch. Or something.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding yoghurt

As yoghurt lovers, we find William Potter’s lack of appreciation of this dairy product GROTESQUE. But he can improve his standing immediately if he stops minding.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding extroverts

No. Not trying to stir up an extrovert/introvert war here, but WE WILL MIND extroverts until they start quietening down a little bit.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding polo shirts

Hmmm, pushing it a bit. Polo shirts were more 20th century, to be honest. We can’t get on board with this statement at all.

The trick, William Potter, is not minding gelatinous desserts

Has anyone ever had a dessert in the desert? If so, we hope it wasn’t a gelatinous one. That’d be plain wrong. Sand stuck to it and everything. Gross.

And finally…

The trick, William Potter, is not womankinding that it hurts

Just bunging this one here because Lawrence of Arabia doesn’t have a single female saying anything in the film. This line… WOULD MAKE UP FOR IT. Maybe.