Welcome to Public Lavatory Inspections, the UK’s leading public lavatory inspection organisation.
Located in Bolton of Greater Manchester, at our headquarters we deal with all things related to toilets pertaining to public usage across the United Kingdom and what remains of the good old days of the British Empire.
Public lavatories are no joke. We approach our important work with all the seriousness it deserves, whether we ended up with diarrhoea splatter over our person, forms, or othewise.
Read on to learn more about our work. And please make a donation to our cause, thusly enabling is to maintain excellent quality public toilets across the UK to make this great nation proud.
Toilets, the British Empire, and the Emptying of Bladders
Britain has a fantastic history of public lavatories dating back thousands of years to the Roman Empire, although they dipped in popularity during the likes of Middle Ages London due to preferences for fouling in the street in black plague conditions.
However, pestilence is no longer de rigueur in British society.
Unless you count dodgy public lavatories that aren’t properly cleaned and have:
- Someone’s leftover kebab festering in a corner from TWO WEEKS AGO.
- The stench of urine clogging the air like nobody’s business.
- Someone’s business clogging the toilet like nobody’s business.
- An old nappy in another corner.
- Rats scurrying about like they own the place.
- A packet of cheese & onion crisps on the floor next to the urinal.
Such disgraces to the world of public lavatories will not stand!
As an organisation, we pledge to eradicate all nuisances from public lavatories across the nation. We want the general public to feel confident striding into the toilet and EATING THEIR DINNER off the crystal clear toilet in the cubicle stall.
NO! That is the answer public lavatories have been waiting for:
- No drunk fat blokes passed out on the floor.
- No underage chavs loitering around outside trying to cadge a cheeky fag off drunks staggering in and out of the lavatory.
- No drunks at all allowed within a 10 miles radius of the public lavatory.
- No inconsiderate mothers leaving behind nappies.
- ABSOLUTELY NO DRUNKS!
In Q2 2023, it’s our goal to piece together a public toilet manifesto to preach to Western civilization in the vague hope people will take these bastions of effluence more seriously.
Our Vision For a Brighter Public Lavatory Future
We want the general public to celebrate public lavatories.
Whenever they see one, or think about them once at home, we want people to break out in a great big smile. We want them to announce proudly:
“Yes! My local shitter is mint! I love going to the lavatory there!”
That’s why we’ve implored the UK government to invest £17 billion into public lavatories over the next five years.
It’s our goal to have 25 public lavatories every 35 yards across the land, thus ensuring no one is ever caught short ever again.
No British citizen should have to foul their pants (due to the lack of public lavatories across the land). Thusly, our movement (not in the toilet-based sense) is the most important movement (still not in the toilet-based sense) across the UK since… BREXIT.
Great Britain can only count itself as truly great if its public lavatory crisis is ENDED once and for all. Our motto is:
“Get Shitters Built!”
Join us in any way you can. Sign-up to our newsletter, contribute whatever funds you have, defecate wildly in the street (to prove your point), and join us on a nationwide riot from 20th July 2023 (beginning in London) in the name of brilliant bogs!
OHHHH Lavatories, not laboratories!
We only have those in the parks….. lavatories, not laboratories.
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I wrote this post as we have a public lavatory crisis in England. As in, there aren’t any. Or the ones that are left are too ghastly to go near. Toilet anarchy… the times, they are a changing.
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Toilet anarchy … WOW!
I’ll bet this lack of public toilets is because of the Adult Diaper lobby.
Times and diapers need changing. xo
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It’s a worldwide thing, apparently! Same in the US – a bog crisis! Can’t comment about Canada, but in Japan they’re doing them up as public art: https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/may/08/quirky-conveniences-the-toilets-of-tokyo-in-pictures