The Running Man (1987) unquestionably has some of the best Big Arnie one-liners ever. Alongside “You cold-blooded bastard!” we have this epic little number about Subzero being Plain Zero,

Crap line. But so magnificent in its badness we can only worship it right here, right now.

Which includes a reimaging of what this thing could be if the scriptwriter had a sit down to think of something a little more… impactful.

Here is Subzero. Now Plain Zero!

We can only assume the silence after this one-liner was whilst he tried to figured this one out. Subzero… plain zero?! Erm… no. Goofy? Yes.

That’s the thing with Big Arnie, he can land these lines and you don’t want to criticise them. Otherwise he’d terminate you.

Here is Subzero. Now Plane Zero!

Not that anyone noticed, but Big Arnie messed up “plane” with “plain” on this occasion. Bloody phonetics, eh?

Look, mate, you’ve forced me into this bizarre situation and, as such, due to these unprecedented circumstances I’ve had to respond with largely unnecessary forms of physical violence

That’s day-to-day life though, isn’t it? At least in the world of Big Arnie.

Here is Kilimanjaro. Now Plain

Kilimanjaro!

Just as stupid and every bit as useless as a pun. Although Hemingway’s Snows of Kilimanjaro takes a battering here, we do enjoy how this feature doesn’t demand a particularly taxing time of it on our brains.

Here is Rio de Janeiro. Now Plain

Rio de Janeiro!

Sorry, Brasil, but you got Big Arnied on this one. Again, we do apologise.

Here is a house sparrow. Now Plain house sparrow!

Okay, we’re going to start putting a bit more effort in with these. Starting with…

Here is Robert De Niro. Now

Plain Robert De Niro!

Imagine if Robert De Niro hadn’t gone into acting! What would he have been? Almost certainly a plumber, we reckon.

Here is F-Zero. Now Plain F-Zero!

Now that’s a bit unfair, Arnold, F-Zero on the SNES is an all-time classic. What are you, some sort of bitter SEGA fanboy!? Eh?

Here is vegetable marrow. Now Plain vegetable marrow!

Honestly, Arnold, if you’re complaining about vegetables how do you expect to grow up so big and strong?!

Here is chiaroscuro. Now Plain chiaroscuro!

In art, chiaroscuro is the use of strong contrasts between dark and light. So, this is an obscure art reference for the more pretentious film buff to enjoy.

Here is sorrow. Now Plain sorrow!

Oh my days. Big Arnie’s acting range now contains… sorrow. You’ve been warned on this one, expect some serious Arnold Noises ahead.

Here is Harrow. Now Plain Harrow!

There’s a bit harsh on Harrow of Greater London. It has a lovely art centre there (see our Digitiser Live 2021 review for confirmation).

And finally…

Here is my sombrero. Now Plain

sombrero!

If there’s one thing The Running Man needed, it was Arnold Schwarzenegger wandering around in a sombrero. I’d buy that for a dollar.