It’s Christmas. That means some of you may feel the need to distribute Christmas cards to friends, family, and mortal enemies.

Luckily for you, here at Professional Moron we’re on hand with some truly awful Xmas card designs to ruin everyone’s time of it. Hurray!

The Professional Moron Christmas Card 2023 Collection Bonanza OMG Get Them All NOW!

Download them, email them to people you hate, share them with despised colleagues etc. Whatever floats your boat, these are yours now and for the rest of eternity! Please put them to good use.

Merry Crustmass

This is the Christmas card from someone who vehemently defends the need for crusts on sandwiches. If you DESPISE people who hate sandwiches with crusts, you should send them this to force your opinion onto them.

So, if you’re got one of those picky eater friends who refuses to eat crusts then this is the card for them!

Merry Punch to the Face

This one is for your best friend in the whole world. Please note, you can provide this card to them and not punch them in the face.

Ultimately, it’s up to you as such an action could actually end your friendship. Still, it’s a great card and the white bits are supposed to be snow, by the way, and not dandruff.

Drink Tea & Yodel

Tea consumption and yodelling—a match made in heaven! When you deliver this card, make sure you throw a cup of tea over the receiver and then do your best yodel.

It doesn’t matter if you’re rubbish at it, just put the effort in dammit.

Mum is Getting a Wheelbarrow for Xmas

Every mum’s dream is a brand new wheelbarrow. Please accompany this Christmas card with the actual wheelbarrow you’ve purchased for your mother.

If she objects over such a present, return your mother to the store and ask for a refund. You can then use the wheelbarrow for gardening purposes.

Reject Christmas Cake! Eat Haggis!

Yes! Christmas cake is for LOSERS and Scottish delicacy haggis is for WINNERS. And a winner is you!

That’s why you need this card, some haggis (vegan or otherwise), and a total rejection of seasonal traditions.

“Handsome” Man It Is Christmas Card

Nothing is better at Christmas than a handsome man with a gracious greeting. Because it really is Christmas. And this dude will help you to understand that if you’re a bit slow on the uptake.

And finally…

Christmas Blob Fish

There’s nothing more ubiquitous with Christmas than the blob fish. Hand this beautiful card over to a father-in-law and watch as his eyes well up with tears (probably of joy, buy maybe of distress as he realises you’re a complete lunatic).