The Bee Bees became famous as the tribute act to world-famous pop band The Bee Gees. But with a buzzy twist!

Indeed, The Bee Bees consisted only of live swarms of bees performing classic hits such as Stayin’ Alive, You Should Be Dancing, and I Started a Joke. All with bee-based puns applied to their titles.

Although initially drawing huge crowds, due to the audience sending the bees into an enraged stinging frenzy the act was quickly disbanded due to reaching various human rights laws. It’s just yet another example of how CANCEL CULTURE is ruining the world.

The Bee Bees Swarm to Success

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The Bee Bees were formed by London beekeeper Jeffrey Smithson in September 1989. He told The Trundling Pebbles magazine in a 1990 interview:

“I kept getting stung so many bloody times by the goddamn things that the disco hit Stayin’ Alive really started to, like, resonate with me. After a while, it made perfect sense to use the marauding mass of bees around me to start a tribute act to The Bee Gees so I could get filthy rich. Hence, The Bee Bees was born and we hit the seedy London gigging circuit.”

The Bee Bees had their first gig in October 1989 in the Soho district of London. Smithson adapted The Bee Gees’ hits to have a bee-based theme, ensuring the tribute act stood out in a unique way.

This allowed the swarm of bees to cover big hits such as:

• Stingin’ Alive
• You Should Bee Dancing
• Hive Talkin’
• I Started a Beekeeping Business
• More Than a Bee
• How Deep is Your Sting
• Honey Fever

The first gig ended in total carnage. Despite there being only 13 people in attendance, the bees inexplicably swarmed the attendees and stung them all to within an inch of their lives.

Smithson noted to police officers from his jail cell that night:

“It’s generated a lot of bad press, but in the music bizz any bad news is good news! Those column inches are gonna to make me rich and famous. You mark my words!”

Once bailed, Smithson immediately returned to Soho and this time 50 people were attendance. After this gig also ended in swarm-based carnage, more sensationalist press coverage led to ever-increasing gig attendance. Smithson:

“It became clear to me the audience was either a bunch of sexual deviants after a sadistic, stinging kick, or they was just a bit thick and turning up to see what was going on. I figured it were the latter.”

Although every gig ended in mayhem, The Bee Bees gained so much press attention that the public swarmed (appropriately) to their cover songs and delighted in the buzzing noises of the bees over the top of a band of session musicians playing the beats.

However, it was those very session musicians who were set to cause the first proper wobble-on-the-way-to-success for Smithson.

The Problem With Session Musicians Mixing With Bees

Smithson noted of the session musicians in a 1999 interview with the BBC:

“They were stung so many times in rehearsals they’d ballooned in size and looking the worse for wear. They demanded a pay rise or they’d walk out. I sacked the lot and got a new batch of session musicians. Everyone is expendable! But within two weeks they was demanding a pay rise or they walk. So I went through this process of sacking and hiring session musicians every time they got sick of the stinging. It were costing me a fortune!”

Smithson was desperate and attempted to teach the bees how to play the instruments. However, this experiment failed disastrously. As he noted in his 2012 memoir:

“Turns out bees just aren’t particularly adept at playing instruments.”

Despite these setbacks, Smithson was eventually able to numb the pain of a new set of session musicians by plying them with free brandy 24/7. Later, as the success of the tribute act swelled, he stepped this freebie up to include cocaine and methylated spirits.

Whilst this worked, it also reduced the musicians to a batch of helpless addicts who became increasingly paranoid about bee stings.

Truth is, The Bee Bees were sadly never able to fully master this element of the band and had a constant revolving door of unstable musicians.

Failing to Take America

Despite all the controversy, The Bee Bees success skyrocketed into 1990 and they were the most in demand tribute act in all of Southern England. Tours in America beckoned.

Everyone wanted a piece of the action, with many stars lining up to do duets with The Bee Bees, including Cher, Rod Stewart, Gloria Estefan, and Cyndi Lauper.

However, Smithson found US customs wouldn’t allow for swarms of bees through airports. This was the beginning of the end for The Bee Bees. Smithson noted in his memoir:

“I was blocked at customs and the Yanks were there demanding to know why I had thousands of bees with me. ‘Out of my way!’ I barked, ‘I run a successful tribute act to The Bee Gees! You don’t know who you’re dealing with and the might of my power, which shall come down upon you in terrifying fashion should you not let me pass!’ That comment ended me up in jail again and I was prosecuted, then released, but forced to return to England with my bees… it was a terrible time.”

The tribute act never recovered from its failure to induce Bee Bees mania. It wasn’t a British invasion, nor a bee invasion, nor anything other than a woeful failure to conquer America.

The End of The Bee Bees

In an exclusive 2024 interview with Professional Moron, Jeffrey Smithson told us of his frustrations on this matter (please note, it was quite obvious he’d had a few drinks prior to the interview):

“****! Them ****in’ Yanks, man! We would’ve taken over America if they’d just let us get out of the airport for bloody hells ****! Typical goddamn Americans, they’re happy to come over to England with their MCDONALD’S and their BURGERS are allowed through UK customs but, oh no, you bring in some bees and they ****in’ can’t hack it! I were never more disgusted in my life! We came home, did another bloody gig in Soho, 130 people were stung, then the police descended on us and CONFISCATED all me bees! It were the beginning of the end because of them stupid Brits and their bloody laws on… NOT letting people be stung at gigs by swarms of angry bees. And I had the bloody RSCPA on my case for ‘animal cruelty’, too… it was political correctness gone MAD!”

Smithson noted he released his bees back into the wild in 1991 and shed a tear as he did so (primarily as so many of the bees took a final chance to sting him, rather than enjoy their freedom).

In 1992 he was sued by 25 former session musicians, 100s of former concertgoers, and his wife divorced him. In 1993, Smithson was jailed for 13 years. He was released after 15 years for good behaviour.

In 2010, he was jailed once again for stealing a pedalo whilst holidaying in Greece. He also attempted to steal several pedalos from British holiday resorts in 2011. Smithson noted this was a dark personal time for him:

“I was drinking a litre of Baileys a day and got hooked on stealing pedalos. My plan was to start a pedalo business next to a pond and let families go pedaloing while I dressed as a bee and sung Hive Talkin’ and my other hits… I was arrested for breaking and entering, theft, criminal damage.”

Once back out of jail again, Smithson is now a reformed man. He told us:

“I no longer like bees or honey. I detest pedalos. I have nothing to do with music. If I hear The Bees Gees on the radio I punch myself in the face until I pass out. This is probably the happiest I’ve been in decades and long may it continue.”

We wish Smithson all the best with his future endeavours. However, this story does have a sting in the tale.

Just before launching this feature, Smithson was arrested for stealing a beehive from a local beekeeper. There are unconfirmed sources suggested he was very drunk when he did this.

Thus, we send out this message to Mr. Smithson—we plead with you to not reform The Bee Bees. The time has passed. Buzz in the glory of your retirement instead! 🐝