Charlotte’s Web (1952) may be a classic book for children, BUT IT NEEDS MODERNISING FOR NO REASON! And that’s why someone wrote Charlotte’s World Wide Web, written by an unknown writer.

It’s the story of a spider called Charlotte. She sets up a small business to help spiders learn about the World Wide Web (WWW), such as getting on to the internet, creating social media accounts, and uploading webbies (like selfies, but with spider webs).

The book is 300 pages of startup mentality, but one where moody employees, dank Monday mornings, and failing internet dreams hinder Charlotte’s dreams of wealth, power, and status.

Spiders Get to Grips With the Internet in Charlotte’s World Wide Web

“Meetings bore me.”

Yes, it’s a very boring and predictable book. Charlotte’s World Wide Web also gleefully rips off from Charlotte’s Web, as the spider hires a bunch of pigs (all of them called Babe) to assist with running her business.

And that’s the whole for you! 300 pages of oinking pigs, poor customer service, and Charlotte attempting to manage her annual budget.

Split into two parts, the work explores some dark themes about spider-based fraud, spiders, and a redemption arc in jail.

Part I 🕸️

As with other rip-off classics for kids, such as the abomination that is The Wind in the Pillows, Charlotte’s World Wide Web does have a moral to the story. Multiple, in fact! And they go like this:

• Spiders shouldn’t run businesses
• Spiders are terrible at using the internet
• Spiders don’t need to use the internet

This all becomes apparent as Charlotte spins a web of lies regarding her business’ proficiency. For example, she makes false promises to her clients about her WWW abilities.

When, in reality, as her spider web-based office she has a Wi-Fi connection so slow it takes a good 10 seconds to open up her email account. Irrespective of this, she tries her very best to teach spiders about the WWW.

However, after a solid month in business her TrustPilot reviews are so bad she’s forced to admit to the police that she’s a fraud.

Part I ends with Charlotte going to jail for 335 years for her crimes.

Part II 👮

The second part of the novel takes a grittier stance, moving away from any children’s friendly topics as Charlotte faces up to her crimes.

It’s a heady mixture of Crime and Plushies meets The Discounts of Monte Cristo meets Spiderman. As Charlotte quickly uses her spider skills to flee human prison. However, she’s recaptured, placed in a small jar, and that’s where she must remain for the entirety of her sentence.

In the first few days, Charlotte refuses to accept responsibility for her actions.

However, in the subsequent weeks she admits she could have been upfront about her capacity to teach spiders about the internet. Especially consider the low speeds of her broadband package.

As house spiders only live for several years, the local authorities realise Charlotte can’t see out the entirety of her 335 year prison sentence.

She’s released for good behaviour with 334.7 years remaining on her sentence. This early release is covered across the national press, outraging the public.

The book ends with nationwide riots and the public overthrowing the government in a successful coup, with subsequent post-revolution laws stipulating spiders are forbidden from running internet-based businesses.

Literary Critic Responses Highlight the Improbability of Charlotte’s World Wide Web

Upon its launch, the book was criticised by critics for being an “unlikely” occurrence, not least as spiders don’t tend to run businesses.

The plot development of a spider being sent to a human prison was also widely criticised. One literary critic even called that narrative arc “idiotic” and “predictable”.

Such criticism led the unknown author of Charlotte’s World Wide Web to break his silence, taking to social media to label the critics “clueless dickheads”. He called another one a “communist drug addict”.

These were later deemed as defamation and the author had to pay damages to the journalists.

It’s believed these experiences will shape the sequel to Charlotte’s World Wide Web, which is due for release later in 2024. It’s set to be called The Great (Spider) Escape.