Getting behind the most irrational moral panic over nothing of our times, we’re today promoting the truly superb Woke Mop.

THIS IS THE MOST POWERFUL MOP IN THE WORLD. It is a mop that:

• Sweeps away liberal scumbags.
• Wipes away the loony left.
• Mops up wokeness (one stain at a time).
• Doesn’t come with a bucket included.
  • This is a good thing because buying a bucket supports the British economy. 👑🇬🇧
• Leaves society shiny, superb, and open to the joys of freedom of speech.

The next time someone WOKE attempts to stop your freedom of speech, merely brandish the Woke Mop in their slimy, flower power faces and tell them to get a job!

Wipe Away Wokeness With the Woke Mop 👑🇬🇧👑🇬🇧👑🇬🇧

Push away that slight twinge of a reality check for a second. That sense of critical thinking that says to you:

“Hang on… droning on about this ‘woke’ stuff makes me sound like a total dunce, especially when considering the genuine social problems I could get behind that’d make a genuine difference to my community and nation.”

No. That voice in your head is just leftist propaganda.

They’ve got devious ways to get you, patriot, and YOU NEED A WOKE MOP TO WIPE AWAY THOSE INVASIONS OF PRIVACY. The King of England is relying on YOU to get the job done, because he’s busy off waving at His subjects.

About the Woke Mop

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Every single shred and fibre of the mop is 100% guaranteed BRITISH. 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

Our woke mops are handcrafted by 100% British people in the market town of Wokingham, such named to be the bastion of wokeness obliteration, and are ONLY for sale to 100% British people—you’ll need your BRITISH PASSPORT ready at the till, otherwise you will be REFUSED purchase of the Woke Mop.

In fact, if you can’t prove your Britishness to the 100% mark, you’ll be chased from the property by a pack of 100% British bulldogs and, as you flee our 100% British shop in a panic, a squadron of 100% British Spitfires will rain down hellish British stiff upper lip on your escape plans.

That’s why it’s important to remember your passport, patriot!

But once you have hold of your Woke Mop, you can rush out into society and start rubbing it over any liberals you discover. Telltale signs of LEFTIST SCUM include:

• Reading a copy of The Guardian while looking thoughtful.
• Dyed blue/pink/whatever colour hair.
• WON’T BE CARRYING A WOKE MOP!!!

As such, and to be on the safe side, you should attack (by which we mean mop) any individual you encounter who isn’t holding a Woke Mop.

It’s the only way to be sure.

Woke Mop Range of Accessories

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There are plenty of 100% British accessories to go with your Woke Mop. Make sure you buy all of them to support the 100% British economy!

If you DON’T buy at least ONE of these accessories you’re a socialist scumbag!

Buckets (Pronounced: Bouquets)

Our mop buckets are made out of 100% British buckets (just make sure you pronounce them as bouquets, as that’s what the 100% British Hyacinth Bucket did)!

They hold only the FINEST British water, freshly pumped into our waters by the 215 100% British Conservative MPs who voted for just that!

Nothing will make you swell with patriotic glory then smearing the WOKE with effluence from our 100% British rivers!

Watch as those precious snowflakes make girly screams, but can’t take a shower or wash their clothes because it’s against their environmental ideologies (or something).

Slave/Maid

For only £50,000 p/a you can hire a 100% British slave (maid) to mop society clean of WOKE for you! Because you’re superior to everyone else, as that inflated sense of exceptionalism keeps telling you!

New Mop Heads

Broken your mop head on too many libtards’ stupid woke faces? You’ll need a replacement! And at only £100 a new mop head and next day shipping, there’ll nary be a delay to cleaning society off the woke mob filth!

Mop Handle Slogans

All of our Woke Mops come bearing slogans along the side of the mop handle stating:

• Take that you precious snowflake!
• In your mug your socialist scumbag!!
• Go Woke Go Broke!!!
• WE ALL HAVE THE SAME 24 HOURS IN THE DAY!!!!

Purchase today to keep the woke mob away! 👑🇬🇧👑🇬🇧