You’ve heard of Madame Bovary (1857) by Gustave Flaubert. You know it’s about a pre-social media era dame flirting away with much galore.

Did you know someone just released the hotly anticipated sequel Madame Bovril? Well, now you do! It’s just been launched and it’s a yeast extract masterpiece.

It’s so good it’s almost impossible to read it without a mug of Bovril in one’s hand. Almost like it’s an extended product placement campaign, or something, and all the better for it.

Themes of Dissatisfaction With Non-Yeast-Based Beverages in Madame Bovril

“She looked extraordinarily beautiful to him, and majestic as a phantom; without understanding what she wanted, he had a foreboding of something terrible. Then he saw the mug of Bovril.”

Madame Bovril is about a Bovril loving madame. The work is set in the year 1933 and Madame Bovril wishes to escape the mundane existence she has in Bolton of Greater Manchester.

She moves to London and swoons over a handsome, wealthy cockney geezer.

They marry and she becomes wildly reckless with his money and has many affairs, leaving her husband in debt, and throughout all of this she drinks vast amounts of yeast extract drinks (i.e. Bovril).

Madame Bovril is a blatant rip-off of Flaubert’s classic, using large chunks of his prose adjusted slightly to insert references to Bovril. Like this.

“She had bought herself Bovril, a writing case, a pen and some envelopes, although she had no one to write to; she would dust off her whatnot, look at herself in the mirror, pick up the Bovril, then begin to daydream between the lines and let it fall to her lap. She longed to travel, or to go back and live in the convent. She wanted both to die and to live in Bovril.”

It’s a crap book. Although we did enjoy the many references to Bovril, as that stuff is awesome! Get yourself a hot mug of it right now.

Madame Bovril’s Author: An Exclusive Interview!

The author of this book, one Gary Fluharty, is responsible for 37 works he’s self-published online. His reputation as a writer is atrocious and all of his works have a 1/5 reviewer rating online.

Professional Moron caught up with him for an exclusive interview last week. Here’s a section from the conversation.

Question: Do you consider yourself to be a useless author with zero talent?

I beg your pardon!? Who the bloody hell do you think you are turning up unannounced at my property at 8pm at night!? And no I will not let you into my property! I’ve a good mind to call the police right here, right now.

Question: Why did you write madame bovril? Why did you besmirch the reputation of gustave Flaubert’s masterpiece, you son of a bitch?

I’m getting quite sick to death of this! This is preposterous! I don’t even know what you’re talking about, what is “Madame Bovril”?! Besmirch what? I don’t even write, I prefer painting in my spare time. Now, get off my property!

Question: You’re denying writing this work? [We brandish a copy of the book in his face] Do note, your response to this question could constitute fraud.

What are you talking about?! I’ve never seen that book before in my life! Get off my property or I shall call the police!

Interview update

The man then slammed his front door in our faces. We then saw him peering out between the curtains of his living room window at us with a stern expression on his face.

We later worked out we’d gone to the wrong address and this man wasn’t the author of this work at all.

Madame Bovril’s Stage Adaptation

Subsequent details show Madame Bovril is set for a small production stage adaptation.

We did eventually get in touch with the real author via email. He told us he’s pushing for Brad Pitt to star as Madame Bovril and Tilda Swinton for Pitt’s onscreen husband. However, he informed us neither actor had yet responded.

“I’ve informed Mr. Pitt’s agent the payment will be around the £100 per performance mark. I’ve figured he’s rich enough already so what does it matter if what I’m offering appears moronically insubstantial?

As for Tilda Swinton, I just fancy her so I’d like her to star in the play so I can flirt outrageously.

I’ve not written the play yet, by the way, I’d use AI to do that to save a bunch of time. My main focus right now is to stop drinking so much Bovril. I’m weaning myself off the stuff by consuming more Marmite.”

We’ve since learned Brad Pitt and Tilda Swinton have rejected the AI generated script and will, instead, star in a massive blockbuster movie instead.

Mr. Fluharty informed us he was “disgusted” by their decision and is back drinking hot yeast-based extract beverages.