Sometimes a human female has a hobby. This may include shopping, drinking Prosecco, gossiping, and/or arranging flowers.

Occasionally, in a condition in the Latin known as Flowerarrangingitis, the flower arranging hobby can get wildly out of control and threaten the lives of everyone in the vicinity. This is not a good thing.

Luckily, we’re on hand today to help a distressed husband get his wife back on the rails. You’re welcome, everyone!

When a Woman’s Flower Arranging Threatens Death and Destruction to All 🌻

Dear agony aunt,

As a real man it pains me to write to you and admit I am crying. I am crying for my wife, my kids, my family, but more important I cry for myself because how has this happened?! I’m a good man. A real man. I drink beer, scratch myself, watch football, and can burp hard and loud. What did I do to deserve this?

The wife… she’s gone mental.

She has this silly “flower arranging” hippy dippy hobby that I tolerate. Well, I did tolerate it for years and just let her get on with it. But recently she’s gone nuts! There are so many flowers around my home it’s like bloody goddamn bloody Woodstock and I hate hippies and I’m sick of it! The smell is overpowering! The wife says it’s “nice” but you can’t open the front door to get into the home after a hard day at work putting dinner on the table for the family like a real man! I open the door and wall to wall there’s geraniums everywhere and egjoowegjoegjewgjopeg #]#[#]][][

Sorry about that, my tears got on my keyboard and made it malfunction, fizz, smoke then burst into flames. That’s my wife’s fault! THIS IS WHAT IT DOES TO PEOPLE! I’ve had to spend £20 on a new keyboard instead of having a few bevvies with the lads at the local pub why does my wife torment me like this!?

I decided to get my revenge by setting fire to all the flowers, but that simply led to my home burning to the ground in a blazing fireball.

Now we’re homeless.

But at least the flowers are gone! At least I thought so, but GET THIS! We’re staying at my mother’s place until we get a new home and MY WIFE’S FRIENDS ALL VISITED AND BROUGHT ROUND BUNCHES OF FLOWERS! THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES!

Mate… what do I do!?

Ta,

Jeff

Hi there, Jeff! Flower power, eh? Those blasted hippies must never take over the world! As such, our immediate recommendation is to set fire to the flowers your wives’ idiotic friends brought round.

Do note, this may result in the total destruction through fire of your mother’s home. This means you may have to spend the night sleeping in the local park (or something), meaning you’ll be around more flowers and your wife’s lunacy will continue unabated.

No. We’re sure there’s a better solution here.

We don’t know what it is, to be honest, as she’s not our wife and this isn’t a problem we have to bother with. Okay, maybe that’s not subscribing to the agony aunt code of conduct all agony aunts must live by, but every now and then we just can’t be arsed. You know?

Okay. Let’s leave it like this. Maybe if you drink more beer you won’t care so much, Jeff? Just a suggestion!