Nose piercings are common in the world of facial insertion of metallic objects. Indeed, even human males are known to get a nose stud from time to time.

For any human female with a boyfriend wearing one of these, you may ask yourself this: “Is it time to panic?”

Well, we’ve got some answers for you! Whether you should divorce him or not is down to you, so here’s a look into the world of noses, piercings, and boyfriends with both of those things.

Nose Studs: When a Boyfriend Wears Jewellery

hi there agony aunt i’m jenny and i’m 18 and MY STUPID BOYFRIEND has a nose stud! i grew up in a strict conservative household and we view things such as nose studs as an attack on society itself. now whenever i see my boyfriend i panic and start screaming at him and that kinda freaks him out a bit because i dont stop. weather where in a restaurant or shop or cinema i just cant help it because i know it’s the work of Satan. i know how Beelzebub works my dad has even banned my boyfriend (i.e. Satan) from our household until he’s had a exorcism or removed the nose stuf.

my boyfriend was all like “whatever i iz got the right to express myself i ain’t not doin’ nuffink like that for no one no how” and were all like screaming at him and then he left the room because what with his ears be ringing.

obviously i reckon it’s gonna be difficult to like continue dating him but i want to continue dating him because he’s hot but then there’s these other hot guys what i like so maybe i should date them but GUESS WHAT! one of the hot guys HAS GOT TATTOOS. he calls it his “ink” and every time I see him i fancy him but then chuck up all over the floor as a natural reaction to the horror of his tatts. getting a tattoo is a stain on Great Britain and an endorsement of Satan and it makes me feel funny even typing this out like.

anyway back to my boyfriend. i figured maybe if i break his nose with my first (or get my big friend jezza to bash him up a bit) he’ll just like not wear a nose stud no more. like the nose stud is small and that but it’s about respecting traditional values and i don’t see nothing at all traditional about insert metal into your face.

help me, agony aunt, your my only hope

p.s. i have piercings myself but that’s different cos i is a woman

Hi there, Jenny. It’s true a man wearing a nose stud is something to be RIGHTEOUSLY ASHAMED of from every conceivable angle.

Whether looking at him from the left, right, or above (the latter would be if you’re a climbing enthusiast, for example) you’ll have a mixture of feelings:

• Disgust
• Anger
• Hatred
• Moral superiority
• Desire for cheese sandwiches (if you’re hungry at that particular point in time)

Breaking his nose isn’t a good option, however, as that’s not a traditional British value. What ARE traditional British values include:

• Whinging about irrelevant stuff
• Harking back to the British Empire days

It’s clear to us you need to ditch your useless boyfriend and his nose studs. Your best course of action is join the British Army in pursuit of blowing stuff up.

You also won’t find anyone with facial hair, tattoos, or piercings in the army. It’s all about firing guns at people just like that to ensure they stay the hell away from our shores. Good luck on your venture, Jenny!

P.S. Of course that’s fine because it’s a traditional value for women to wear piercings whereas men should only be concerned with grunting and earning money to put food on the table.