The work Les Misérables (1862) was a historical novel by French writer Victor Hugo. It is now a popular musical, film, and TV—it is arguably the most celebrated miserable, mopey classic of all time.

However, one writer of the name Nigel Trusk got a bit of a miff on about the work. Thus, in late 2023 he self-published the work Less Miserables. This is also with the massive caveat that, on the front cover, Trusk qualifies it is “not fewer”.

Essentially, it’s a self-help book (quite a delusional one, too) about how there should be fewer miserable people in the world (and definitely not fewer of them). Trusk makes a central argument in his thesis that because there is stuff like cheese, slippers, and sandwiches, there really is no need for anyone to be miserable these days.

The work has been widely condemned by critics, readers, and society as “utterly clueless”. Is it though? Let’s find out!

Less (Not Fewer) Miserables for a World of Relentless, Unbearable Joy

“What Is Love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul. He was listening to Haddaway. What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more. WHOOAAAH HO HOO HOO! WHOOAAAH HO HOO HOO! Oooh, ooh oh! DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!”

Curiously, when you open page 1 of this ebook it begins blasting Haddaway’s hit 1993 single What is Love? Truly, one of the greatest one hit wonders of the ’90s.

Unfortunately, you can’t turn that off. So as one continues reading this rambling 400 page ode to being less miserable, you get increasingly miserable. That is ironic.

Trusk makes the following argument in chapter 1:

“Miserable woke bastards really piss me off! How is it possible, in this day and age, when it were reet better in t’olden days, to be miserable in now—the future! It makes no sense when you can just head out of your front door at 10pm to the local supermarket and buy a crate of beer, packet of strawberry bon bons, and readymeal lasagne. You can sit and eat the lot, get drunk, and not feel miserable at all. Only a TOSSER would find this beautiful world we live in to be miserable. These people are SCUM.

Of course, you have the nasty hangover the next day to deal with. That really does make me feel miserable, true, but you can kill that off with a packet of pain killers and glug of cheap coffee. Perfection!

This is a life so pure and beautiful that I am living, so deeply entrenched in the modernity of passable produce and chronic flatulence, that I cannot fathom how anyone can look at me and fail to realise I am the happiest human being on Earth. I owe it all to personal hubris, casual delusions, and ever-increasing blood pressure. Worship me. I am merriment personified.”

Some critics argue that Trusk’s chapter 2 then goes a considerable way to undermining his own argument, as he heads off on long and rambling complaints about modern life. Including complaints over how:

•  Busy and packed trains always are
• Late and/or delayed trains always are
• You’re not allowed to “hit on” the “babes” on the train “these days”
• Openly gay people are allowed to SIT THERE on the train BEING GAY

Trusk argues this makes him miserable. He counters his own argument by accusing the things that make him miserable of being miserable (even the stuff that isn’t sentient), therefore ridding himself of any blame or hypocrisy on the matter.

It must be said… all of this made reading his book confusing, boring, tedious, and (yes) pretty misery inducing. We argue that, should many people choose to read this work, there will be more miserable people. Not fewer (or less).

Planned Future Self-Help Books

Due to the moderate popularity of the work, Trusk plans to release future self-help books on how to improve YOUR life. These include how to:

• Overcome chronic alcoholism by drinking more (for escapist purposes)
• Overcome eating disorders by eating more (for escapism and denial)
• Get rich quick (by robbing random people in the street)

It’s unclear if any of these works will ever see the light of day, for in early October 2024 the author was arrested and jailed for detonating 300lbs of Semtex beside a local ice cream van.

Why? As a protest over the skyrocketing costs of the vanilla cone and flake combo. Ironically, as the ice cream truck caught fire and burned to the ground, The Smith’s Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now could be heard playing off somewhere in the distance.

That, again, is irony.