Did you hire Dickhead Digital and now are cursed with digital marketing buzzwords whirling around your mind, dominating your every waking second?
If so, you have… digitalmarketingitis. But there is a way out of this!
No need to ideate within the frameworks of bluesky thinking delineation. No. You can break free from the shackles of mindless corporate speak and become a human once more. With our help, you can be saved.
Digital Marketing Rehabilitation Centre: No More Ideating, Just Normal Words, Like Normal Consumer-Focussed Prospect-Based Lead Generation Specimens
Have you worked in digital marketing for so long you no longer look at people as human beings, instead viewing them as lead generation prospects to convert into greater profit margins?
Then you may wish to stop ideating and start a beautiful journey towards ideational ideating within the ideated ideate.
For the last five years, our digital marketing rehab has helped thousands of marketing professionals in PPC, SEO, sales, copywriting, web design, web dev, and more, overcome their chronic buzzword addictions.
Many of them have now returned to society and have stopped saying “ideate” ever third word. Check out our range of treatments to free yourself from a world of limited dialogue that’d make a tabloid reader blush.
Our Digital Marketing Rehab Treatments
Treatments are conducted at our posh rehab clinic in Bolton of Greater Manchester. You may be committed for up to three weeks, depending on how severe your case is, with fees landed on your after your treatments so as not to mess with your head too much.
Cold Turkey From Ideate Addiction
One of the worst diseases in all of digital marketing land, “ideate” plagues many a mind with its ease of use and, on a surface level, ability to make the speaker sound intelligent.
Synergy Psychosis
Have you synergised projects to the extent you’ve had a psychotic episode? We’ll get you straight into a straightjacket and lock you away for 72 hours to whip that one out of you.
Holistic Hernias
Has your holistic approach been pushed to such an extreme you’ve got a hernia? Never fear, our on-site doctors can prod that thing back in for you.
Low Hanging Fruit
Can you no longer discern the difference between low hanging fruit and actual fruit? Our fruit-based sessions will cram pomegranates down your gullet until you’re well aware of what is what.
Content is King?
If you’ve written so much content you’ve entered a fantasy world where you’re now King of Content, then you need a lobotomy to fix that one for you. This is at a charge of £1,000 per drilling session.
Digital Marketing Rehab: Our Patient Testimonials
“I couldn’t go more than two words without saying “ideate”. My life was in ruin. My wedding abandoned because I agreed to marry Ideate rather than my intended husband, Barry. Then I got treatment. I can now go ideate-free for up to TWO SENTENCES at a time! I owe it all to the slightly disturbing mad doctors at the rehab clinic.” Mary, Content Manager
“My time in digital had left me with several hernias, psychosis, and I believed I was the KING OF CONTENT and had started bellowing that over and over. Thanks to the lobotomy they gave me, I’m now blind in one eye and can’t tell what time of day it is. But I now believe myself merely to be the Duke of Content, which is a step forward.” Harry, Senior Copywriter
“I went from what I believed was being The King of Content to having my skull cracked open and stuff prodded around inside. Then they stuck me in solitary confinement for 72 hours. I’m confused, angry, and much less well off after all these treatment costs, but at least I no longer believe there’s low hanging fruit around every corner.” Mark, Head of Content
“I was so convinced our projects could be synergised that I welded my legs to my desk at work and did an all-nighter for 12 consecutive nights. Once I became slobbering and incoherent, my boss generously sent me off to this clinic. After completing three weeks worth of treatments, I feel so much better! It’s just a shame my legs are still welded to the table…” Jane, PR
