For the sake of balance on this Radical Left Platform, we have a new sporadic column series thing as provided by a hardlining capitalist whom goes by the name of Disgusted Businessman (aka Jeremy Windfellow).

He’s the CEO of real estate firm Real Estate Bastards Enterprises Ltd., whom is currently running property ads on Professional Moron (see cave to let if you want to rent a cave). He started his business from scratch after his dad gave him a $3 million inheritance and worked his way up from PENURY (i.e. inherited privilege) to hard-fought success. What a man this man is.

Please welcome, with open arms, to the site the highly successful business owner Jeremy Windfellow!

Introducing the Highly Successful, Brilliant, Not at All Lacking in Self-Awareness CEO

I… am Jeremy Windfellow (one fine day one will be able to place a Sir before that grand name of mine). I am an upstanding gentleman and I own many acres of land.

I am the founder and CEO of Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd.

Henceforth, these dissertations on the alpha grindset will help stupid poor people learn a thing or two about what it means to be an economic genius. For the early bird catches the worm, but if you are the worm and not the early bird, or an aardvark, then you will always only ever be burdened with the existence akin to an intern chewing gum and on below minimum wage.

Productivity Hustle: Sleep is for the Clinically Insane

I made my first million before I was even born. That’s how impressive a businessman I am. The innate ability to be born into a wealthy family takes:

1. Graft
2. Gumption
3. Determination

The plebs just don’t get it.

The big problem with modern workers is no one WANTS to work anymore. This makes me a disgusted businessman. And this is why my patented Sleep Hustle concept is the talk of the town (nae, WORLD).

Last month, I caught my personal assistant yawning during a 7am synergy huddle.

Yawning.

Success does not occur if one yawns.

After berating the pathetic wastrel, one conceptualised the realisation that the REM sleep cycle is an abomination on mankind. Sleeping is Communism. Sleep is an act of unionised rebellion. The realisation disgusted me to such an extent I had to stoop over, wheeze, and gag. My personal assistant asked if I was “okay” and I fired my personal assistant forthwith; for I knew they had slept a sound night of sleep just hours earlier and were, therefore, a communist.

Truth be told, one hasn’t closed my eyes since the financial crash of late 2008.

While others were off unemployed through redundancies and business closures, me, I, Jeremy Windfellow, was performing burpees in a cryo-chamber while shorting the stock market within one’s own mind. For while some claim sleeping is biological maintenance, it is clear to anyone who is sane that sleep enforces a state of radical equality on the user. When a user sleeps and dreams, they are not working.

Indeed. They are sleeping.

And that is vomit-inducing to the morally sound.

Universal Basic Rest: An Enforced State of Societal Collapse

No billionaire ever became a billionaire when sleeping. They were on their feet doing one-in-a-billion genius business decisions (such as being born into an already very wealthy family; as previously indicated, this is gumption).

Think back to that intern I mentioned.

He/she/it yawned.

They had the intemperate impertinence to yawn, with me right there, the man whom pays him/her/it their salary. Bored by the thrill of capitalism, consumed by the tedium of biology, my intern was not 100% dedicated to my business and making me richer. Such things make me a disgusted businessman.

I enforced a new policy in my business immediately. The policy is called:

Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. Employees Do Not Sleep

Since its inception, and to my disgust, many of my employees now appear extremely tired all of the time. Truly, this makes me sick to my very core. One does not bestow onto them such a glorious opportunity as this to see MORE yawning. To try and perk them up I brought in armed security guards and 24/7 CCTV. This did not stop the yawning. Indeed, thereafter further issues arose:

• Increases in absenteeism
• Many more employees bursting into tears during work
• Fecklessness
• An increase in employees leaving my business

There’s a correlation here. Since introducing the policy, my employees are leaving because they are communists. Good. This has weeded those bastards out of my organisation.

Going forward, one can focus on bringing in pure talent.

Simultaneously, I will work on a thesis to eliminate the need for sleep. These are dangerous times. Communists lurk within our dreams and I believe it is only I, Jeremy Windfellow, whom can save mankind.