Welcome to Geraldine’s Gobby Gambling. Hi. I’m Geraldine. I run Geraldine’s Gobby Gambling where you can come and gamble your life savings away like God intended.

I set up this establishment on a shoestring budget but it don’t show. So. Come on down. Have fun. Play the slots and drink and gamble and get into fights. I run this establishment, me. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Gambling and Rambling at Geraldine’s

First thing you’ll know about when you step into my gambling shop is that this gambling shot got sticky carpets. Not sure when that happened because we only opened six weeks ago and that carpet were brand new and now its gone all gross and stuff and it’s ruined me pumps. I went for a proper aggressive 1970s geometric carpet with high-traffic patches down down to the bare plywood complete with damp underlay. It’s mandatory for gambling shops. But why is it sticky?!?

Anyway, yeah, you’ll also notice the many signs I’ve nailed all over the gaff:

• Stop tapping the glass
• NO! The fruit machine ISN’T rigged!!
• No change given without purchase
• I don’t know why the carpet is sticky
• NO REFUNDS

We have five bouncers on the door too because I am not having no nonsense on the doors or in my store. You hear? We open at 10am and then we close at 1am. If you are still in the property by 1:01am then the bouncers are legally obliged to start smacking you around the head with heavy furniture and their fists. You have been warned.

Mainly I just want you to come here and spend your money and fritter away whatever paltry savings you have got on stupid sports events. So long as I can line my pockets I do not care where you are at to be honest. But if you speak to me nicely in the store and I am not too drunk or whatever, then you might get a smile out of me.

Try and Have Some Fun at the Lukewarm Bar Here at Geraldine’s Gobby Gambling

Okay we done and got a bar here as well and it has drinks in it so if you want a drink while you’re gambling away your life’s savings then we do that. The bar is called Lukewarm because we have got this problem with the fridges and freezers and we haven’t got no ice so that means all the drinks are at room temperature except during winter because when it is naturally that cold the drinks are a bit chillier (we have not got no heating by the way).

Some of the drinks we got on our drinks menu is like this:

• Lukewarm beer from tap
• Lukewarm beer from cans
• Lukewarm cokes
• Lukewarm spirts
• Lukewarm wine (red and white)
• Lambrini (lukewarm)

So, again, just to reiterate, we don’t got fridges installed so bring your own ice in a bucket or something if you want stuff to be chilled. Heating it stuck on 40 degrees at the moment so yeah you might want to bring ice. Otherwise everything will be lukewarm because, as previously indicated, we got problems with the fridges and ice box and all that. Yes it is a bit rank but what am I supposed to do? Just drink your drinks and shut up.