So you’re a busy restaurant owner, running your restaurant, serving idiotic customers food, but you have to somehow find the type to create a menu and list out all he items you have available.
IT IS A PAIN IN THE ARSE. We know that. You know that. The whole world knows that.
That’s why you need Menu Writing Assistance Enterprises Ltd. (MWAE Ltd.). Our organisation has helped 100,000+ restaurants write their menus, making gluttonous customers happy, all while you can rest easy knowing there isn’t a single typo.
Menu Writing Support: We’re Here to Kelp
The menu has been a part of the foodie world since the Song dynasty of China circa 960. The term “menu” derives from the Latin minutus, to make something small.
On this very principle do we at MWAE Ltd. make only SMALL menus. No big ones from us. We can assure our customers that the size of our work is kept below that of a poster size, instead keeping everything around A4 paper size. Here are some examples.
Example 1: Cheese-Based Restaurant Menu
Starters
Cheese board served with various cheeses and a dollop of gravy
Grilled cheese with a side of grilled milk
Baked cheese with toasted milk and haggis sandwich
Cheese haggis with deep fried Mars Bar
Haggis soup with baked cheese and Marmite
Main Courses
Grilled cheeses with melted cheese
Sautéd cheese with steamed cheese and a sprig of parsley
Beans on toast with poached cheese
Microwaved cheese with roasted milk
Simmered cheese with stir-fried haggis
Grilled haggis with steamed baked beans and melted cheese
Cheese aspic (with baked beans)
Cheese in brine (with baked beans)
Cheese curry with baked beans tarka dhal
Haggis curry with cheese saag aloo
Cheese and haggis casserole
Curdled haggis with fillet of cheese
Haggis gratin with Mongolian barbecued cheese
Zested haggis with sugar panned cheese, baked beans, and Marmite
Desserts
Cheesecake
Haggis
Baked beans (with cheese)
Example 2: Haute Cuisine Menu
Starter
Gourmet Beans on toast
The finest handmade baked beans, handpicked by baked beans experts with a combined experience of 325 years (of selecting baked beans). Served on mouth-watering bargain bin basement sumptuous white loaf bread, with extra butter to ensure maximum damage to your general health, replete with a delicious side of crème fraîche, a piquant glass of champagne, and bag of cement (for use later with any lingering construction projects you have planned as part of your investment portfolio).
Main Course
Lobster à la baked beans and haggis
Ambrosial lobster blended with heavenly baked beans, served with a side of full-bodied haggis with fragrance of lager. This exquisite combination offer leaves diners frothing at the mouth, although that may also be due to the mandatory shot of 90% proof absinthe to be consumed with the meal.
Beans on toast à la foie gras and ketchup
Irresistible ketchup in a jug made peppery (through pepper) served with mouth-watering beans on toast with luscious foie gras and a side of honeyed saag aloo with Marmite naan bread. This full-bodied meal is guaranteed to give you indigestion, free on the house.
Dessert
Chocolate cake à la mustard and spaghetti hoops
Flavourful mustard served with broiled chocolate cake, the side of seasoned and salt-crusted spaghetti hoops topped with a dollop of gravy. Optional zingy Yorkshire puddings with a vat of butter and fresh, crisp tinned sardines glazed in jelly.
Frequently Asked Questions About Our Custom Made Menus
Here are some answers to common FAQs we receive about our superb personalised menu range.
How much do you charge for a custom menu?
The cost for our specialised service is a cost-effective £20,000 per menu, including a free meal at your venue.
Why should I pay you that, you greedy wankers!?
Because otherwise you will not have a menu and/or the menu you have will be OF SUCH POOR QUALITY that you go out of business. Do you want to live in a ditch? Indeed, so give us your money.
I don’t like the menu you’ve written for my restaurant, can I get a refund?
Unfortunately, we operate a no refunds policy.
I had a go at writing my own menu, but ended up typing a load of swear words and bigoted slurs. Can you edit this for me!?
Absolutely! Although we do advise all menu writers to proofread their work prior to handing it to customers (in the event of accidental profanity and/or bigoted slurs), the best course of action is to pay Menu Writing Assistance Enterprises Ltd. £20,000 for an obscenity free food selection list.
