Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. is PROUD to reveal this minimalist, Hamptons style public toilet to rent in Bolton of Greater Manchester.

Set in the luxurious and fully modernised Piddle District, this public toilet to rent forces the tenant to well and truly get to know themselves (and the general public whom are free to use your rental space).

Welcome to the Porcelain Palace: Exquisite Public Toilet Rental Space

• £1,500 p/m
• NO PETS
• BILLS NOT INCLUDED
• EXCLUDES AIR FRESHENER AND BLEACH
• Mood lighting provided by a solitary, flickering 20W fluorescent bulb
• Make new friends who can visit any time during the day to take a wazz/dump
• Generous 1.5m x 1.5m floor plan
• Wall-to-wall modern art graffiti
• Robust toilet facilities with strong flush system

Built in 1969 using reinforced concrete and high-gloss ceramic tiling, for a niche mid-century industrial chic, we’ve modernised the public toilet with:

• Several plush cushions
• A “Welcome!” doormat
• Bead curtains

The Porcelain Palace also features numerous examples of beautiful, striking, thought-provoking modern art (graffiti). Including,  but not limited to:

• i luv jayne shez ded fit
• COMMY BASTARDS
• kev woz ere
• dave woz ere
• kev iz an dickhed
• dave iz gay
• this dave i am NOT gay YOU TAKE THAT BAK OR ELSE
• lol wot u gonna do dave loooool
• I TELL U WOT ILL DO ILL HIT YER
• loool gud luk with that dickhed

As this property is expected to “go” (no pun intended) fast, it’s ideal for tenants who love public lavatories and don’t mind random people, such as retiree Dave from the local pub, coming in to take a leak at any hour of the day.

Please note, a cleaner also arrives at the public toilet once a week to install new urinal cakes, to hose the place down, and to get all the gunk out of the toilet u-bends. It is expected the tenant vacate the property during this highly disgusting process.

IMPORTANT! Residential Lease Agreement on the Porcelain Palace

Prior to moving in, the tenant must provide at least 137 legitimate references from previous tenancies. The lease agreement also stipulates that you, the tenant, will and must:

• Scrub the public lavatory walls once daily
• Stack your personal belongings vertically, so as not to hinder the users of the public lavatory
• Leave the historic graffiti alone, otherwise it would be deemed vandalism of a cultural heritage point
• Breathe in shallow breaths at all times, so as to limit the inhalation of the property’s foul reek
• Respond to all toilet door banging with a cry of “SOMEONE’S IN HERE, DAMMIT!“, with failure to do this likely leading to the door being kicked in by an enraged member of the public
• Accept that failure to pay rent will result in insertion of your head into the nearest toilet bowl (by the landlord)

On a final note, due to the overriding stench in the property we advise the tenant becomes an enthusiast of incense sticks and/or to wear a hazmat suit 24/7.