To bangs or not to bangs? That is the haircut question. As once summer hits, the human female is up against a plethora of essential hair decisions. One of which may be to do bangs (or not).

Today’s filly in distress is here to pose such a question to our esteemed Dr. Moron, a man whom faced (and defeated) male pattern balding at age 31 and knows nothing about bangs (or hair for that matter) now aged 41. Such is his medical brilliance, he’s not letting that save this dame from herself.

The Dangers of Bangs During the Summer

Disclaimer: Pay no attention at all to our medical "advice", it is utter nonsense and you would be an imbecile to take any of it seriously (you foolish cretin).

Dear Dr. Moron,

I’m thinking of getting bangs as a cute new summer hairdo. What do you think? I’m 21, incredibly good looking (so can pull most hairdos off tbh) and a woman. I’m single atm and want to get some dead fit guys interested in me.

Will bangs do that, or will too many of them be slaughtered in the subsequent explosions associated with this type of fringe? Because I don’t want to be done for murder or anything, I just want a nice new haircut to impress my mates and get hot blokes interested in me.

My current look isn’t cutting it (no pun intended there) so yeah. Just want bangs, that’d do it right? So long as it doesn’t kill no one, as previously indicated (really gotta stress that point), so yeah let me know what you think. You dealt with many bangs related severe injuries and the like?

Kind regards,

Rachel

Hi there, Rachel. Yes, I have indeed had to deal with many horrific injuries as a direct result of the bangs haircut. It’s truly one of the most violent hairdos known to humankind and it’s very selfish to pursue this look, not least due to the devastation to:

• Buildings and other constructions
• Anyone you’re dating
• Your singed eyebrows

Do you want singed eyebrows, Rachel? Do you!? Well, that’s what going to happen with bangs. Plus, there’s the possibility your hair will explode during a date and wipe your date, you, and the place you’re in (e.g. a bar) out in one foul swoop.

Do you want that on your conscience, Rachel? Do you!?

Exactly, so there’s only one viable solution here. You need to buy a pair of buzzers and shave all your hair off. That may be in the exact opposite direction of where you wanted to head, but when people’s lives are on the line you just need to do the right thing, love. All the best.