The other feeble minded fools at Professional Moron have abandoned me in my pursuit of World Domination, so terrified were they of my foul and depraved contemplations! That matters nary a jot, for I, Mr. Wapojif, with my super human sized brain, have taken things a step further! Yes I have, I have readily prepared myself for this role and drew myself up an Official Guide to get into proper guise. With this done, I began preparing myself to be a Super Villain. Some of this was quite painful, and I couldn’thelp but wonder, afterwards, whether the alteration may well have made my situation even more difficult. Regardless, my run begins tomorrow and I expect to be Supreme Ruler of Earth by early July 2012. Wish me luck!
Oh yes, perhaps I should explain a bit more about my ideas for the Official Guide. As you will have observed learnedly yesterday, I have been reading about Napoleon’s conquest of the known Universe. Did you know he was once in control of seventeen seperate galaxies such was his genius in commanding and conquering? Remarkable isn’t it? All but one of these was known as France, the anomaly was what he viewed as his pet – the planet we now know as Mars. Napoleon named this planet Refirgetation Unit #1111111111111111111112. What can we say, the man was a mad genius! Oh yes, as the British had a superior fleet of ships he also couldn’t conquer them. Quite why he didn’t use his Intergalatic Super Zapper to zap them into submission is beyond us. Anyway, onward!
Mr. Wapojif’s Evil Plan
My objective is simple: world domination.
My motive is a little bit more complex: madness
To begin my plan I will first incinerate a rich and powerful CEO somewhere. This will cause everyone in the world to bite their nails, horrified by my rather sinister arrival. “Who is this Evil Genius”, they will think? Where did he come from? And once I reveal myself upon them they will think, “Why is he a brain in a jar?”
Next, I will obliterate the Moon! This will be accomplished from the amusement park acting as my secret headquarters, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark, abhorrent glory. Upon seeing this, the world will weep uncontrollably, as countless hordes of mean english teachers will hasten to do my every bidding. And what will this be? Excessively pedantic enforcement of correct grammar and spelling! That’s what!
Finally, I will unleash the Plague of Doom! This will bring about horror’s beyond humankind’s comprehension! Mwahahahahah! The name Mr. Wapojif shall become synonymous with insanity, and no man or woman will ever again dare take my lunch money! Everyone will bow before my cunning intelligence, and the world will have no choice but to give me complete control of the planet!
I will let you know how I get on tomorrow.