The Importance of Drunk Phones

A smartphone
Is it drunk?

It recently emerged that many young revellers are heading out for a night on the lash with what has a fancy new term for it. Let’s take a look.

The Effectiveness of Drunk Phones

To explain—many young people, when they love each other very much, go for a night on the town with their expensive mobile phones.

During the ensuing drunken mayhem these expensive mobile phones can be lost, destroyed, smashed, burned to the ground, incinerated, consumed, or accidentally eaten. Such is drunken student life.

To stop the loss of these precious and expensive artefacts many young folk are purchasing cheap phones to take with them on a night out.

It’s a good idea, unless their house gets robbed whilst they’re out. Still, if you’re going to become mindlessly inebriated why not have your £2.50 phone instead of the £400 one? For once common sense has prevailed. Sort of.

There’s always the thought, “Why not get a bit less utterly wasted?” Regardless of this possibility drunk phones got us thinking. What other sort of mobile phones could there be?

Skunk Phone

Should you happen upon a terrifying skunk during your travels your skunk phone can be used should you be sprayed by the beast. The resultant stink won’t be much of an issue.

Stunt Phone

If you’re a stuntman (or woman) then as a stuntman (or woman) you have to do some pretty death defying stuff.

Your mobile could easily get smashed in the process, so a cheap old Stunt Phone would make such an occurrence a minor nuisance.

Kerplunk Phone

The game kerplunk makes fools of us all, and if you should smash your mobile during a fit of rage after losing then if will never matter if it’s a cheap nasty one, eh?

Jump Phone

If you’re a professional leatherette, such as a triple jump person, then we should imagine it’s fairly easy to smash your phone one as you come back down to Earth.

This is a cheap solution to your continued woes.

Also, this would have been very useful during the London Olympics 2012. But there you go.

Pole Vault Phone

Much like above, except you’ll probably need to go super cheap if you’re a pole vaulter. We can foresee lots of smashage in this job.

Goat Phone

It seems everyone has a childhood memory where we’re left amazed at what goats will stuff into their faces.

Offer them a bag of seeds and the bag will go with the seeds into their mouth. Much the same for mobile phones, I’m afraid. Better keep a cheap one handy.

Boat Phone

If you’re on a boat a lot we bet the fear of dropping your beloved mobile into the water should be a major concern. To avoid this being much of an issue have your Boat Phone handy!

Cloak Phone

If you have a cloak we bet it’s difficult to keep track of where your mobile actually is. If you maintain several other cheap phones on or around your cloak this will no longer be an issue!

Moat Phone

Perhaps more for Medieval times, but if you still live near a moat we can imagine that crossing it can be a bit of a nightmare. Your moat phone to the rescue!

Class A Narcotics Phone

Much like the drunk phone, if you’re wasted on some hardcore drugs then your cheap mobile won’t mind getting in an argument with you before you smash it against something.

The morale of the story? There are several lessons here for all of us. Perhaps not being an idiot with your phone is most prevalent.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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