Toothpaste Special

Brush twice daily, kids!

We felt it was about time toothpaste got a blog post. That day is today, so behold our blog post about toothpaste! Many a time has this stuff saved the Professional Moron’s staff from rotting teeth. Not that it helps our generally scabrous, malodorous appearance by having beautiful pearly white teeth, but all the same we’re pleased we don’t need to use dentures. Innit geez. Ja, and there is and are plenty of toothpaste brands out there, such as Colgate, which have helped do a super job over the decades to keep us all looking like some oddball Hollywood hunk or Princess. If we were going to buy Brad Pitt a present we’d surely present him with a freshly unsqueezed tube of toothpaste. Minty loveliness. Indeed.

So what else is great about toothpaste, other than its brilliance winning you the hand of marriage with Brad Pitt? Well, let’s have a gander at the other facts. Read on, Macduff!

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The really great thing about toothpaste is you get to use a toothbrush. There’s a school of thought that suggests that the toothbrush that one uses that can be used that is used by that many people daily, is an invention by a genius. However, have you ever noticed how submissive toothbrushes are? They just kick back and let you smear the toothpaste onto them, without complaint, and then they have to rummage around in your mouth dislodging stuff and generally being up close and personal with bacteria. Gross, guy!

Three toothbrushes awaiting their fate with stoic bravery.

Now in the Professional Moron office we often like to look at words and their seperate syllables. Through this you can sometimes see just how stupid some words are, and how moronically constructed they are, but as they’re in daily use you just don’t notice. Toothbrush and toothpaste are two such offenders of Simpleton Mode; “Tooth brush, you say? And what does it do? And you use this with tooth paste? Is it paste you spread on your teeth? My word!” We think some better names for these rudimentary items would be as follows:

Toothbrush – Thunder Blasting Plaque Remover!!!, Rudimentary Cleanser of Mouth Objects, Stick With Brush On One End, This Thing Stops Your Teeth Falling Out, Mouth Sweep, Toothpaste Subordinate.

Toothpaste – Minty Loveliness, Smearing Mouth Product, Mouth Product That Is Not For Ingestion, Bacteria Murderer, Bad Breath Annihalator.

Two who didn’t make it…

Now it’s not all doom and gloom in the tooth world. As we mentioned earlier, just where the hell would we be without these items? Like little boys lost in giant supermarkets, that’s like what. Good simile, right? So, hooray for the toothbrush and toothpaste! To end this celebratory piece we will supply some of our standard facts. Behold!

Toothpaste is made out of salt, aspic, cake, and mint leaves.

Elvis never used toothpaste as he was The King.

Wednesday the 3rd of November, 1985 was the only official Toothpaste Day. The day was abandoned and banned for eternity following several high octane toothpaste explosions.

In certain parts of the world some people refuse to believe toothpaste exists. These people are referred to as Atheitooths.

There are other flavours of toothpaste besides mint. They are; marmite, jam, cake, haggis, and TPC.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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