Mint Tea: False Facts About Mint Tea

A cup of mint tea with the leaves resting on the saucer
There it is.

Here at and in the Professional Moron office we like mint tea. A lot.

So much so this is actually our second blog post about mint tea, and whilst the first one was based on facts and other general enthusing, this one will just be based upon enthusing and some wild stuff that we wish was true.

But probably isn’t true. Yet, it might be true. It’s all probably impossible but, when you think about it a bit more, you suddenly realise it’s true!

False Facts About Mint Tea

So, here’s a fact about mint tea. It’s a drink. And here are some more facts*:

  1. Mint tea, when consumed by the litre, allows the imbiber to appreciate the less-finer things in life by blocking your ability to see; such things as braying children, overweight builders bending over and displaying their hairy backsides, rotting animal corpses, cheese that has gone really off, and TCP will become acceptable to you.
  2. Mint tea is well known for its purifying qualities. Just three sips is enough to make you believe you are a martian from the planet Aboogy Boogy Boo. This planet is populated by giant Mint Monsters who only converse through methods of extreme violence.
  3. Mint Monsters are also well known for smelling very nice. They lure their prey in by sitting about and smelling like mint. They also offer potential prey polo mints, chewing gum, and toothpaste before devouring the poor victim whole.
  4. Many tea drinkers reside on Earth and preside over mint tea boxes. Many tea drinkers are known to protect their property with extreme violence if their tea is threatened. Famously, one tea user jettisoned a friend from their house after they had “borrowed” a mint tea bag.
  5. If you add milk to mint tea the entire fabric of the universe collapses.
  6. Mint tea has other health benefits; it cures scurvy, blocks devious thoughts about scurvy, encourages strange theories about scurvy, and it promotes cheese consumption.
  7. Mint tea was Elvis’s favourite drink.
  8. Mint tea can be moulded into a weird cheese type product when it’s gone off.

Please note. There’s no evidence to back up these claims but, you know, wouldn’t it be ace if they were true?


  1. My favorite is “if you add milk to mint tea…” I am not sure I understand your fascination with cheese as well but I do like my mint tea. In fact I grow my own and throw in a twist of lemon balm. It is quite lovely πŸ™‚


    • I don’t think anyone would ever add milk to MInt Tea but, obviously, there’s an EXTREMELY important reason as to why it must not happen. Growing Mint Tea sounds quite amazing. As is Lemon Balm. You can get Nettle and Mint, which is nice. And I buy Mint and Chilli from this special tea shop that explains it’s not “like a curry with toothpaste in it.” Quite true, as well, it’s very good!


    • Dearest reader,

      Thank you very much for sending in your poem/limerick. We appreciate your support for Mint Monsters and their considerable plight. It must be a true nightmare to smell so minty all the time. There has been talk, on the mintvine, of a revolution of sorts. By ‘eck, guv!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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