Exclusive Recipe: Champagne and Egg Hot Pot

Such opulent decadence! Where’s me ‘ot pot!?!?

We feel as if champagne doesn’t get used enough in cooking, so today we’ve done a working class Lancashire special (this is the North West section of England, famous for its fussy eaters who can’t cope with anything except the food they’ve always eaten) with added echelons of superlative joy. Yes, champagne! Normally associated with the bourgeoisie buffoons of the world, Formula One drivers, and the cheap Bucks Fizz alternative for the scumbag proles, champagne such as Mumm and Lambrini have offered the world a glimpse of the high life. Indeed, fizzy liquid doesn’t get no better. And nowt gets no better than an ‘earty broth o’ ‘ot pot to wash thy sheckles owt o’ thy bairn. Eh!

Hot pots (in case you don’t know) tend to consist of meat and veg. It’s basically a massive soup which can be distributed easily, and without complaint, amongst the proles of Lancashire. For our Gourmet Hot Pot we’ve substituted meat for eggs (in case there are some vegetarians about). You’ll need around three dozen eggs, and lots of potatoes. Fling all the veg into a big cauldron and add in about a dozen bottles of champagne (not the actual bottle, the stuff inside). Whilst this is going hard boil all the eggs, then (if you’re rich) get your slaves to peel off the shells. If you’re not rich do it yourself, stupid. Add the eggs to the Gourmet Hot Pot mix and leave to simmer for 20 minutes. Add in spices at this point, but as it’s the North West this means a bag of salt and sugar with a pinch of Bovril. Finally, serve with bread and dripping and, perhaps, a wedge of black puddin’ with caviar. Glorious!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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