Want to look like this stupid, glum woman model on the write? Want, instead, to have a great thyme this weekend of mid-February 2018? Wicked, so do we! So we have diversified a list of stuff what you can go and do for a laugh instead of sitting around arguing with your family, trying to avoid the police, picking you nose, wondering why Joseph-Gordon Levitt hasn’t changed his name, wondering why Bruce Willis still hasn’t aged, wondering what Cher is up to, and/or imagining what John Lennon’s hair looked like when he was 5.

It’s a mandatory list and you have to get out there and do at least one of them. This is on pain of a fate worse than custard being stuffed into your underpants. And that, we can guarantee you, would be bloody uncomfortable. Hear hear! Hear hare hear. So get on with it then, idiots, and read the stupid blog post! Don’t forget to “like” it, too, dammit! Yes, even if you think it’s rubbish.

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Find a Small Toilet

See this small toilet? Find another one in your local vicinity. Take a picture of it. Feel proud. “Er, really Professional Moron?” Well we don’t see why not. We mean, what else are you going to do? Go to the cinema and watch Lincoln? Hahahah! Yeah, right! Hahah! Or, you know, go to a restaurant? Haha! Stupid readers.

Get Attacked By a Flock of Seagulls

It would be a good idea to adopt the ’80s hairdo of Flock of Seagulls singer Mike SCOOORRREE for this. Turn up on a local beach with a keyboard and start yelling vitriolic abuse at the birds. Need examples? Try these, “Oi! You silly little fluffy bird things you can’t even fly in a straight line!”, “You were rubbish in Watership Down” and/or, “Shut the bloody hell up, will you?!?” You’ll be beseiged before you know it and will be able to regail this amusing tale for years.

Find Someone as Insane Looking As This

And then return them to the clinic they belong in. I mean, seriously, this is like Popeye who has hit the steroids big time and really gone and lost his brain. Just look at the guy. Look at him. What a lunatic simpleton. For a start his body is so vastly disproportioned his head looks like a pea, but on his face there is transfixed an expression of superfluous glee. No no, we don’t like this. Not one bit!

Find Some Bees

Socialise with nature. Find some bees and hang around with them. Get to know your local beekeeper and his bees. Make everyone a cup of coffee. Offer everyone some organic honey on toast. Rejoice and be jolly.

Do a Rubbish Drawing

Check out the image this guy is trying to replicate. Fair enough for the effort, but really that’s a pretty rubbish attempt. It doesn’t look anything like the original! It’s like he’s adapted it to look like a hunchback! *giggle snort guffaw* Still, at least he tried, right? Yeah, whatever, bet you hope it rains soon, too, so it gets washed away! So, head out there and find a pavement and do something better than this dude. Yeaaah!