What to Eat Today

This is food.
This is food.

Okay so it’s Sunday and you’re no doubt thinking, “Gee, what should I eat today?” Luckily you’ve stumbled upon the Professional Moron blog and now all of your worldly issues are at an end for, you see, we hold the answers to all of life’s great questions in a vault marked “Communism – The better, Mr. Wapojif lead suggestion as, you know, he really should be running the world”. Anyway, as it’s a day when you’re likely to eat stuff we’ve come up with a fab list of stuff you may well want to eat. Indeed.

So why do humans eat? Well if we didn’t we’d all be dead. It’s pretty simple, stupid. So thank your lucky stars we’re here to keep you all alive. Food in general is pretty cool as, when you fink about it, everyone in history has eaten something. Genghis Khan, Mozart, Bob the Builder… they’ve all, at some point, stuffed cake into their hungry faces. Anyway, we guess it’s down to us to point out the need for food. Honestly, we don’t even get paid for this… where’s the support? SO! Never mind, here’s the food stuffs to liven up your Sunday.



Pigeons be ace.
Pigeons be ace.

Over here in England we’ve had a bit of bother with beef and horses getting all mixed up with our food, innit. Wouldn’t it have been so much simpler if “they” had used pigeon? We think it would have. Indeed. By ‘eck. (Picture courtesy of the ever groovy VivaLaLilya. Innit, bling.) Pigeon burgers certainly has a real ring to it, unless you’re vegetarian.

Spam and Jam


Spam is spam; it’s made out of spam. But no one has ever thought, “You know spam? Wouldn’t it be ace with jam!!?!?” No one has ever though that and survived more than 12 seconds. And why? Well it sounds pretty gross, right? Yeah, we can’t think of anything more disgusting! But it’s Sunday and we’ve said you have to eat it so you have to. So there. That’s an order, comrade.

Turnips and Pot Noodles

Turnips be good.

Pot Noodles are okay but turnips are pretty ace, never forget this fact. SO cook yourself a Pot Noodle and then jam, violently, a turnip into the mix. Healthy, eh?

A Raw Egg and Cheese

Here’s another fried breakfast picture!

Raw eggs are underrated, frankly, and cheese is a well known aceness product. Why snot mix the two together, eh? Awesome. Awesome to the max.

Rice… lots of it!

This is rice.

We’re on about Brown Rice here, and when we write “lots of it” we mean at least 300 pounds of the stuff. Eat that today and you’ll be feeling bad in no thyme!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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