The Great Noodle Debate


Noodles remain one of the most perplexing foods you could ever come across. Get them cooked right and they’re tremendous! However, do it wrong and you’re left with a stodgy, bland mess and one frying pan with noodle brains burnt into the pan! And, by ‘eck, then you have to leave the pan to soak in water and all the noodle bits float about and got clogged in strange places. All in all this isn’t a pretty experience. For the ultra lazy, too, you can get your hands around instant noodles, such as the legendary Pot Noodle. Simply add boiling water and consume. It’s laziness at its most profound and glorious!

Noodles are now one of the major business endeavours on Earth (probably) and, it was stated by Albert Einstein, if noodles suddenly went extinct roughly 90% of the world’s population would be a bit miffed. Too true. So what’s our verdict then? Noodles can be fabulous! That’s a fact, comrade, but we’ve also eaten a few too many naff noodles to get overly excited about them. We mean… they can be a touch bland. Anyway, we take a look at the highs and lows of noodles in today’s post. Onward!

“I are a pretty flower!”


Whether you like noodles or not there’s one thing you can’t really argue in their favour, and we’re on about their looks. Aesthetically we return to Professional Moron’s (that’s us) high concept of the Food Splat. Don’t believe us? Have a gander at that picture above one more thyme. You wouldn’t serve that to your date, would you? Ho no!

Cheap and Cheerful!

We really don't think there are enough noodle brands, dammit!
We really don’t think there are enough noodle brands, dammit!

There is one thing to be said for noodles, mind, and that’s their Bargain Bucket value. Noodles are also in staggering supply; if nuclear fallout kicks off you can guarantee we’re stocking up on noodles and blocks of mature cheddar cheese. Just look at all those instant noodle packets. So how does one stand out in a market of noodles? Simple, go cheaper still! And bigger – we’d live a Super Size Me Bargain Buckets of noodles. A great big wodge of them at 10p. Awesome!

Like Cement?


Yeah we’ve mentioned this already but, you know, noodles aren’t half fugly! It doesn’t help that they look like worms (pale worms at that) but what’s worse is the uncooked noodles resemble some sort of murder weapon! Seriously, strike someone with uncooked noodles and you’ll get your ass wound up in jail, yo, although you could eat the evidence we guess. Not that we condone such behaviour, by the way, but sometimes a noodles got to do what a noodle’s got to do.



Try as you might but eating noodles is often quite a tough ordeal. They have this habit of falling over, getting tangled up, hurling bits of juice around at random. It does make for a trying meal, and using chopsticks only adds to the dilemma. “So what do you suggest, Professional Moron?” Simples, use thy hands! MWAHAHAHA!

When In Rome.

Tasty, tasty ramen.
Tasty, tasty ramen.

As you can see from this picture, when you do it right you can at least get noodles looking good. We would like to eat this meal. Indeed. So here be proof that noodles can be beautiful too. And so, in conclusion, we’d like to state we love noodles, and noodles love us, too! Bless. “What are you going to have for tea then, Professional Moron, noodles!?!?! LOL!” No, dumbo, we’re have soup with fajita dippers. Good, eh? In your face, loser!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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