The Art of Professional Moron

“Composition 11, vers 1957, musée des Beaux-Arts de Montréal.” Indeed. It’s very much like a painting. Good stuff. We shall attempt to emulate it.

Welcome, dear connoisseurs of the arts. Today is a great day, for we reveal Mr. Wapojif’s finest painteroony actions. A fine artist he perhaps is not, but the passion is there and this is all what do and go count. Indeed. Now, many a thyme has the staff of Professional Moron wandered ‘mongst Lowry’s Stick Men here in Manchester – they’re called “Today’s Yoofs” for their diets of coca cola and McDonald’s means they don’t get proper nutrition, but as they’re still young they remain emaciated.

Now donut go thinking we’re some sort of wizards on the old Microsoft Paint (or whatever the Mac equivalent is) for, sadly, we’re not very good with pencils, paintbrushes, and stuff. We’d be good modern artists, mind. All the pretentious “Unmade Bed”, “Empty Room”, “Dropping a thimble of paint off the Eiffel Tower” (these are all real art “pieces”) naff made by narcissists. We’d be great at it! “The Slighty Knackered Shed”, “A Dead Rat Painted Blue”, “Bean’s Week Old Bedding In A Biodegradable Bin Bag”, “The Moldy Cheese”, “Our Wet Towels” – see? Anyway, for these pictures we used Pencil Madness which is usable for all, as well as a bit of Microsoft Paint. If you feel like it. Just go there and hit the “Sketch” option and draw away. Anyway, now our showcase. For our work note the striking (visually) use of black and white for a qualia based set of imputations within the framework of reductionism. Onwards, comrade!

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Volcano

We call this piece “The Angry Volcano” – ‘Twas inspired by anger… and volcanoes. Are volcanoes sentient beings? No. Is it some deity’s revenge against humanity? No, it’s just a natural occurrence, and a pretty damn scary one at that! Just watch Dante’s Peak, eh?

Next up we have the seminal “Stupid Man Observes The Natural World In Action” – we feel it perfectly reflects many of the more idiotic members of English society. You know, those who seem to think it was better during the Blitz than it is now.

We call this the “Nonsensical Collection Of Objects To Make You Think Existentially” – It’s a glorious work of the imagination and allows you to see how our art is the physical manifestation of a thought process.

We name this work of art “The Belligerent Bench” as the bench bemoans everything about its fate and why humans are so stupid and ugly. The bench itself is possibly the finest piece of artwork in the last 1,000 years.

Next up comes the work of genius “The Broken Clock”, which is all about technology and how it doesn’t work when you most need it to. Think about the futility of setting your alarm clock and it not going off. Such moments are full of the emotions which make you emotional.

“The Flattened Frog” is an abtract take on the pre-respresentation of life within the sphere of understanding. We were inspired by the works of Tracey Emin for this piece, as it didn’t take any talent or effort to create. Note the lighter shade of green on the “outer casing” of the frog, compared to the dense layers of denseness within, which could represent the darkness of the abyss within the sphere of contemplation as viewed from the cosmos.

We end on a constroversial piece – “The Blank Page”. This took 17 days to create, with much musing over how to interpret the sense of infinity and human endeavours on the blank canvas. Ultimately Mr. Wapojif decided he could do this best by leaving the blank canvas blank, as he stated in the first place. It’s a work of mighty genius and should win him the Nobel Prize in Art, Science, Physics, and Cake Baking.

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Mr. Wapojif also performs publicity stunts and interactive art shows/events to promote his genius. Upcoming events include; setting his trousers on fire and removing himself from them very rapidly, picking his nose infront of strangers, robbing a bank whilst wearing a mini-skirt, swearing at The Queen of England, assaulting a dead fly with a crowbar, cementing himself into a Portable Urinal and escaping within 10 days, and attempting to scale Mount Everest in only a Bobble Hat.

4 comments

  1. I’m still thinking about how to be successful in unsuccessfulness. I think you people are on to something big here, real big. The climate for professional morons has never been better – if only I could devise a contraption to harvest the collective wisdom of this great outpouring of unsuccessful minds.

    • We thank you, Mr. Architect, and beseech upon unto you the improbability of probability. The fact is this – being a moron (like being a genius) takes effort, guile, and photosynthesis. Therefore, to be successfully unsuccessful, one has to strive every day, and always, towards one’s goal. However, we would welcome a contraption of some sort to gather all this pertinence into a brigade of Confuciousness. One good way, perhaps, would be to give free stuff away. The moron seeks free things, like donuts. Only then may he/she find redemption.

    • Good good. That’ll be £5 for the gallery tour, thanks. I think that’s about $4,500 when converted to dollars. Cheques can be made payable to Mr. Wapojif and sent to this address:

      Mr. Wapojif,
      1, England Street,
      England.

      Ta.

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