Exclusive Invention: The Faxe

The Faxe in action. Quiver at its unholy genius! Bask in the concepts of its potential use!
Artist’s Impression: The Faxe in action. Quiver at its unholy genius! Bask in the glory of its potential!

We’ll begin by stating this has nothing to do with fax machines, faxing, or anything electronic. No, it’s on a different spectrum. Now, you’ve probably heard of forks and spoons. Good, then you’ll no doubt have heard of sporks – spoons with a fork attached to the rear end of whichever implement you desire at that moment. This was a brilliant invention, so we got to thinking: what other useful implements could be attached to each other for maximum usefulness? Naturally we decided on the fork as one, and an axe as the other. You have to agree, this is simple but ingenious; the brilliant simplicity of a fork matched with the ruthless, psychotic efficiency of an axe.

The Faxe is suitable for specific professions. These include: solicitors, MPs, farmers, taxi drivers, mountain climbers, postmen/women, philosophers, and cheese makers. We are prepared for an influx of requests from one profession in particular, though, and have braced ourselves for the fiscal onslaught. Think for one second: this would revolutionise the lumberjack industry! Your average lumberjack can be eating his hearty beans on toast lunch as he stands by a tree, and between bites can slug his axe one against a tree. As a productivity boosting tool we believe this invention has it all. Workers will NEVER need to take a break with this product. Faxes are the future – the future of business. The future of the world.

Our company motif will be as follows: “Where there’s lunch, there’s money. Where’s there’s a fork, there’s an axe. Where there’s a Faxe, there’s working class scumbags.” Our company slogan will be this: “Faxe: Productivity, Oppression, Money.” If you’re a rich businessman, drop us an e-mail and we’ll sell you the rights for a cool million. Pounds.

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