Lobster bisque? Let us not forget the Professional Moron staff loves French cuisine, seafood, shellfish, and cheese. We are NOT fussy eaters and enjoy a great diversity of foodstuffs. This isn’t to say we can’t get miffed about bisque – a soup we very much enjoy, but can only hazard erratic ruminations on its existence.

First off, optimistic dawdling: great name. Love it. Bisque – you begin the word as if you’re about to head off towards a heavy bout of prolixity regarding biscuits. This isn’t the case, as your biscuit based desires are immediately ruined by the second syllable – que. Now in Spanish this means “What?”, which is pretty apt for this food product, but in this brainstorming of possibility it could, perhaps, refer to queues. This, arguably, refers to the need to queue in line to purchase a lobster in a fish market. However, it’s not as if lobster is gourmet in contemporary life.

You can buy tins of bisque soup for £1.60 in the local store. Plus, frozen lobsters are propped up in the “posh” sections of supermarkets. What we’re getting at is this – bisque is a narcissist. It believes itself to be of a superior status to what it is. This posturing is, we’ve gathered, of particular offence to the food world. We hear prawn cocktails refuse to acknowledge bisque at parties, likewise with smoked salmon hors d’oeuvres, and seafood platters have become entirely estranged from their erstwhile colleague. We would like to state this is a shame, but bisque brought it on itself.

With our learned discipline we can thusly state to bisque: drop the pretentious attitude, idiot, and acknowledge your place on the popular market. You are mildly gourmet, delicious, and high in salt, but don’t go thinking you’re any better than beans on toast! You hear!?!?

But hang on! Miso Soup has taken things up a notch. Read all about it!