Can Science Unscramble Scrambled Eggs?

Professional Moron supports Scrambled Egg rights.
We support Scrambled Egg rights.

It’s been all over the news this week like a juggler all over juggling balls: science figured out how to un-boil a boiled egg. This monumental discovery is perfect for anyone who has spent the last 5 minutes boiling an egg by mistake. Think of all the damn eggs which will be saved for cakes, flans, omelettes, and meringue! It’s a modern day miracle of the highest order.

How did they do it? Well when eggs are heated the protein in egg whites (lysozyme) gets wasted and its deformed subunits tangle together like stoned Hippies. Apparently this process is called “aggregation”, but we prefer to call it “Eggstock, maaaan”. To undo the boiledness scientists figured it would be wise to put the boiled egg in a vortex, which was then sent spinning dead fast until the lysozyme sobered up. Think of it like that Superman film where our yellow underpants wearing hero reverses time by flying around the world over and over and over. Voila – an un-boiled egg!

This is all very good and that, but it’s a bit limited only having it on boiled eggs. Being egg making aficionados here at Professional Moron we often inadvertently make the incorrect egg based meal – it’s easy to do when you’re as stupid as we are. Just this morning our esteemed editor Mr. Wapojif, rather than making a poached egg on toast, accidentally spent five hours baking a cake. This demands the question: why didn’t scientists figure out how to un-bake something? We think it’s somewhat prejudiced to stick solely to boiled eggs. We do dearly hope they turn their attention to undoing all egg made food stuffs. Including Eggnog.

What we’d most like to have is the chance to unscramble scrambled eggs. If you’re trying to make a poached egg, see, the yolk often breaks when you crack an egg into the pan. This is a disaster, and usually necessitates a panicked switch to scrambled eggs. Now if you could scramble those eggs and then UNSCRAMBLE them in a handy Deluxe Vortex Machine (made by Italian kitchen appliance experts Smeg), well… the world would be a better place. Indeed.


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