Even celery’s biggest fans would have to admit its’s one of the most boring vegetables on Earth. Despite its bland taste and general pointlessness in salads, it’s mega good for you. What gives?
Apparently if you eat 300 sticks of celery you’ll ingest only around 12 calories. Conversely, if you consume 300 Ham and Jam sandwiches you’ll have a cardiac arrest. Most physicians and people of medicine will agree this is a dire state of affairs. Mother nature is one cruel SOB.
What is it about innocuous celery which brings about so much hatred? We had a thunk to find out. Then we thunked about it some more. The answer’s obvious: even as veg lovers we have to admit it’s as bland as a pint of AIR. Which is essentially what celery is, except it’s mainly water with a hint of that distinctive celery non-taste.
How does one define celery? Let’s take a look at our superiors for guidance – Celebrity Chefs. It has been said sweet natured Julia Child once described celery as, “A f***ing b*****d mess of a t***. I ****ing hate it! I HATE IT!” Others have been more robust over the years. Champion of the people, Jamie’s Oliver, described the offending vegetable as, “A putrid wasteland of blandness. It is like biting down on a walrus, only to find the walrus tastes like celery. Worse, the walrus is now outraged and chasing you at full speed across a beach, bellowing in abject fury.”
Others have been similarly dismissive. Gordon Ramsey has been on a one man crusade to eradicate celery from the face of the planet, often detonating enormous batches of the stuff in fields. However, Nigella Lawson has said she “loves” celery, but then she does drench the stuff in chocolate, jam, honey, sugar, more jam, and slices of gold dust for her “Celery Supreme”. We don’t consider this to be fair.
We, however, shall remain indifferent in the great celery debate. It may taste of nothing, but it is at least good for you. Which, when one considers the grand scheme of food, is what vegetables are all about. Gazuntite.