Welcome To The Exciting World Of Celery!

Celery
The world’s most boring vegetable.

Even celery’s biggest fans would have to admit its’s one of the most boring vegetables on Earth. Despite its bland taste and general pointlessness in salads, it’s mega good for you. What gives?

Apparently if you eat 300 sticks of celery you’ll ingest only around 12 calories. Conversely, if you consume 300 Ham and Jam sandwiches you’ll have a cardiac arrest. Most physicians and people of medicine will agree this is a dire state of affairs. Mother nature is one cruel SOB.

What is it about innocuous celery which brings about so much hatred? We had a thunk to find out. Then we thunked about it some more. The answer’s obvious: even as veg lovers we have to admit it’s as bland as a pint of AIR. Which is essentially what celery is, except it’s mainly water with a hint of that distinctive celery non-taste.

How does one define celery? Let’s take a look at our superiors for guidance – Celebrity Chefs. It has been said sweet natured Julia Child once described celery as, “A f***ing b*****d mess of a t***. I ****ing hate it! I HATE IT!” Others have been more robust over the years. Champion of the people, Jamie’s Oliver, described the offending vegetable as, “A putrid wasteland of blandness. It is like biting down on a walrus, only to find the walrus tastes like celery. Worse, the walrus is now outraged and chasing you at full speed across a beach, bellowing in abject fury.”

Others have been similarly dismissive. Gordon Ramsey has been on a one man crusade to eradicate celery from the face of the planet, often detonating enormous batches of the stuff in fields. However, Nigella Lawson has said she “loves” celery, but then she does drench the stuff in chocolate, jam, honey, sugar, more jam, and slices of gold dust for her “Celery Supreme”. We don’t consider this to be fair.

We, however, shall remain indifferent in the great celery debate. It may taste of nothing, but it is at least good for you. Which, when one considers the grand scheme of food, is what vegetables are all about. Gazuntite.

6 comments

  1. In my journey through ‘Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking’ I am yet to cook Marcella Hazan’s ‘Braised and Gratineed Celery Sticks with Parmesan’ or her ‘Braised Celery Sticks with Onion, Pancetta and Tomatoes’ – but then perhaps all the additions contained within the recipe titles hint at the challenge in making the vegetable palatable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely! Celery can actually be a nice accompaniment to meals (such as Shepherd’s Pie) and it is so fabulously good for you, but it is a strangely bland vegetable. Houmous usually livens it up a notch, but I’ll give Marcella Hazen’s recipe a go for sure!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was once told that if I ate raw celery everyday, I would lose weight….perhaps from the shuddering it caused as I ate it?? I put on weight the week I tried it…perhaps because of all the houmous I ate with it!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • It is true the only way to eat celery is with other ingredients, which means you invariably end up getting 1,000 calories in one go instead of the healthy snack. All this talk of celery makes me want to consume donuts. Now that could work – The Celery Donut. I’ll look into it!

          Liked by 1 person

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