Exclusive New Food: rIce Cream!

Ice Cream
Ice Cream, as the legend goes, was invented by Margaret Thatcher. Truth!

Rice is a pretty standard food staple. We’re willing to bet every human being who has ever lived tasted rice at some point. It goes with every meal imaginable: jam on toast, toast, Kellogg’s Cornflakes, marmite, Fish & Chips, and probably even rhubarb and custody! It’s a medical marvel the likes of which the Royal Institute of Ballet can never lay claim to. For shame!

Now it’s almost summer (well, it’s officially a month off – summer starts on June 21st and lasts, in England, for about two weeks) we think brown rice (and it has to be brown rice – anyone who prefers white rice is a freak of nature) should merge with a famous summer staple to make a new Super Staple. Hurrah!

Yes, ice cream should amalgamate (pretentious word, but ncessary in this instance) with rice to become rIce Cream! You could do many flavours: beetroot, broccoli and marmite, strawberry and Bovril, custard and raw egg… the possibilities are endless and, we dare say, they ARE endless. That is if you believe in infinity.

The theory goes infinity is real as you can always add a 1 onto the end of whatever number you can think of. Think of a really MASSIVE number like, say, 34. How could anyone count beyond that, right? Well, you can, as you can do 35. Some crazed halfwits even suggest 36 is real. Bloody Communists!

Regardless of this conundrum, it’s good news for Professional Moron as we can come up with some genuinely insane concoctions to terrify the world with. Heck, it’ll get people eating more brown rice which can only be a good thing. We’ll even do a Staples & Rice recipe to truly honour the Super Staple nature of our genius invention.

As always, we expect rIce Cream to be in shops in time for July at a price of £15 (about $34) a tub. Bargains galore!


Dispense with some gibberish!

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