Spring Cleaning Special: What Is Dust?

Dust
Prior to cleaning, this is how our office looked.

Professional Moron sprung its office today with a Spring Clean. Amidst the tears, sweat, and anguish of hard physical labour, Ecover cleaning product smells, and bone crunching injuries, we came across a heck of a lot of dust.

What in the name of bejeezus is this stuff? Why does it manifest everywhere inside everyone’s properties? Is it edible!? Today we answer the questions which have baffled folk for millennia.

Let us begin by pointing out the dust extremes. In your home you may have a dusty shelf which rankles you so. You keep meaning to dust it but, cripes, you’d have to take all the books off and then put them back on again. That would be bloody annoying. This is #1 on the Dust Richter Scale.

#10 on the DRS is the dust storm – these terrifying things have (and has) been known to shred the skin off grapes when they’ve struck vineyards, and created whooping cough in folk who live around regular dust storms. See Interstellar for an in depth analysis of dust storms and whooping cough syndrome.

Dust itself is made up of particles from the atmosphere, as it turns out. In your home it’s a mix of pollen, hair, fibres, paper minerals, mud, human skin cells, and apparently even burnt meteorite particles. We’re willing to bet these the odd bit of dandruff in there, too.

Dust, then, is a mish-mash of life itself. Indeed, dust mites often vegetate in dust. This is because they’re dust mites. Whilst they can eat the dust, humans can’t as it’s an abhorrent taste and has bloody dust mites in it. Innit.

What we’re getting at with this rambling nonsense is this – dust is bloody annoying. However, without dust Interstellar wouldn’t have been as good and the plot wouldn’t have made sense. However, for the sake of fending off hay fever we recommend you keep dust in your home to a minimum. You can do this by buying a chainsaw and hacking your furniture to smithereens at the first sight of the dreaded dust. Problem solved.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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