Toast is great, I think most people would agree on this fact. Even lunatics. Spaghetti Bolognese isn’t everyone’s cup of beverage, of course, but then we’ve come up with a genius recipe which will make your mindless lifelong hatred of an excellent pasta dish obsolete!

You guessed it, it’s Spaghetti Bolognese Toast! Now spaghetti Bolognese is often referred to as Spag Bol by lazy cretins who simply can’t be bothered to complete sentences properly. You know who you are! You can amend your weighs bye sampling this mighty new dish. Huzzah!

Spaghetti Bolognese Toast: A Cooking Guide

To turn the typically rather mushy spaghetti bolognese into toast you’re going to need a soldering iron, an iron, a welding kit, and probably some sort of kitchen surface. A toaster will probably be useful as well, but who has one of those anymore in this day and age!?!

Step one is to prepare the spaghetti bolognese as normal (pan fry the spaghetti, boil the vegetables and meat) and leave to cool overnight (preferably in your back garden so it can accumulate additional meat through wayward flies and other insects). This concludes step one – pay attention, step two is the most important step! You will need a sledgehammer, an infuriated Rottweiler, and a box of potpourri for this one.

[We apologise, but we were informed by numerous health and safety acts this step had to be removed otherwise we’d be closed down with immediate effect]

Step three will actually see you doing something involving food, now that your Rottweiler knows how to use a sledgehammer to make potpourri smell nicer. On to toast! It’s actually pretty straight forward – retrieve the sludge from the garden and then incinerate it with the welding kit and soldering iron.

After this, iron out the rock like substance so it’ll fit into your toaster. Violent voila! You have spaghetti bolognese toast. We are geniuses, we know.