Fashionistas & Hipsters: Forget Skinny Jeans – It’s Thyme For Skinny Socks!

Socks
Skinny socks will not only make you look skinny, but they’ll drain all the blood from your lower extremities!

Skinny jeans and Hipsters. Hipsters and skinny jeans. Skinny-bloody-jeans. Genes. Jean. Jean Alesi. Jean-Claude van Skinny Jeans. You can’t bloody walk any-bloody-where these days without some bloody emaciated youth peddling about with the pace with their bloody skinny legs. Bloody idiots!

Yes, it is the curse of the Skinny Jean. In decades from now, horror movies will be made such as “Revenge of the Skinny Jeans III” and “The Skinny Jean Project” (where kids go for a wander in a forest with their iphones, but get stuck in their skinny jeans and then a witch turns up but spontaneously combusts upon seeing their skinny jeans) and perhaps “Jawskinny Jeans”… to hell with it, we’re fed up of the damn things! We want Skinny socks!

Skinny Socks are the perfect complement to skinny jeans as they’re both skinny. It doesn’t matter whether you’re morbidly obese or shockingly emaciated, the skinny socks will force their way onto your tootsies with mind-curdling, agonising efficiency.

Indeed, when one puts a skinny sock onto your foot it grips it with the power of 17 Arnold Schwarzeneggers, thusly rendering your foot essentially immobile in the sock. Who cares about immobility? Fashion is the name of the game, and chronic agony is where fashion is at these days!

The downside to this casual garrotting is all the blood will be drained from your lower body. “Erm… drained where, Professional Moron?” Donut worry, it won’t be subsidised to tomato juice companies! No, the blood will simply be pumped upwards towards your skull, making you alarmingly gain weight around your torso, arms, and brain. In the fashion community this is known as Bono.

We’re happy to announce skinny socks will be hitting the shops in time for August and will only cost £100 ($200) a pair! Hurrah! Hasten to your nearest fashion villa and pre-order now! Pre-orders of over £1,000 ($10,000) will receive a baby hippo to raise singlehandedly as a present!

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