“Oh jeez, it’s this bloody noodle thing again!”, you squawk. First off: shut up! We warned you earlier about this and we make no apologies. Why? Noodles form the foundation of a coherent and functioning social structure – without them you would not be reading this as there would be anarchy. Not Noam Chomsky’s considered postulations on anarchy, but the type of looting and rampaging you see in action films like When Harry Met Sally and Love Actually.
Today we’re looking at Itsu’s pretty weird Vegetable Festival. Weird doesn’t mean bad, of course, and this sure isn’t bad. At all. It is, however, “crystal noodles” and Itsu are insistent its product is in a cup. If it’s a cup, Itsu, where’s the bloody handle? Idiots.
The crystal shards are tasty enough, but what makes this son of a gun work is the sauce (which one empties out of a sachet into the cup). Frankly, it’s overpowering. It’s so potent it actually bloody stains the cup with this tomato like residue. Which isn’t as alarming as it sounds as it’s a tasty little dude.
Perhaps too tasty. When one thinks of a Vegetable Festival one does not want to be overpowered by the stuff, but that sachet of vegetable paste is like being punched in the face by a morbidly obese, outraged chef who’s been cutting garlic and onions all night. In other words, kind of worth it to see the dude in action, but you’ll be left flattened afterwards.
Crystal noodles, then. They aren’t made of crystals, let’s clarify that right now, and they promptly turn into a soggy ball of mush when you boil them up a notch. They’re tasty, though, but really difficult to eat. So difficult you may cry in frustration – we sure as hell did. Twice.
The pot is a real curiosity. The picture depicts people presumably at the beach playing volleyball – evidently this is what one does at vegetable festivals. Somehow we figured there’d be more veg, but perhaps folk use turnips or onions instead of a volleyball.
The lid is weird, too, and the strange spoon one receives with it is about as useful as a donkey at a giraffe zoo. The whole thing resembles a contemporary coffee cup – like from Starbucks, or something. The fact Itsu were eager to classify the pot as a cup suggests they’re aiming for the, notoriously massively pedantic, Starbucks zealots. Which is, as the old saying goes, too hot to handle. Aiiiie.