Exclusive Recipe: Pizzza (it’s like pizza, but with a sleepy kick)!

Pizza
Cripes. It’s making us sleepy just looking at it!

Pizza, eh? We love a good pizza recipe. There are two things which are really great in this world – snoozing and colossal overeating. Unfortunately, the latter has a tendency to make one turn into King Henry VIII (in his later years), whilst the former is only allowed during this thing called “night time”. Try it during a shift at work, for instance, and your boss will treat you like a vagabond.

Sleep’s great, and if you’ve ever wanted to eat a pizza and then drift off to a peaceful, dreamy state of wonder then our latest recipe is for you! Pizzza takes the very best of pizza and proffers up a healthy dose of sleep based regeneration. The dough is made out of lethargy inducing organic herbs such as valerian root, chamomile, and cinnamon. To further induce sleepiness, the dough is also loaded with the harshest sleeping pills known to humanity! That’ll put hair on your eyebrows.

With three dozen pills of methaqualone (also known as Mandrax and Quaalude), pizzza is one pizza which will knock you out for six. It’s going to be released by us as part of the Pizzza Corporation, with potential toppings including deep fried chocolate and marmite, anchovies with prawn cocktail crisps, monster munch with Mars bar, and cornflakes. As you can see, there’s something for everyone!

Obviously there’ll be health warnings stamped all over this product. We must inform you it’s wise NOT to consume pizzza prior to: a day of work, driving, or anything which you really need to be awake for. Indeed, it’s only really safe to eat around about an hour before you want to be rendered unconscious for roughly 27 hours.

The beauty of pizzza isn’t its fragrant disregard for consumer safety, it’s the use of fresh produce which even the Food Standards Agency might condone. Possibly. They’ve not ratified the recipe yet, and may well frown upon the use of certain aforementioned ingredients, but we remain hopeful you’ll all be able to enjoy a pizza induced comatose session sometime in the not too distant future.

Pizzza may be dangerous, but it sure is tasty. The secret ingredient? Well, let’s face it, the best thing about pizza is the cheese. Without cheese, a pizza is like Lennon with McCartney, Great Britain without Fish & Chips, or a middleaged man without his slippers. It’ll be available in stores eventually (hopefully) at £100 ($300) a pizza. We apologise for the high price, but that’s prescription drugs for you!

8 comments

  1. This Pizzza thing sounds perfect for “2nd” meal on film sets. That happens after 13 hours of work, and well what the heck, the crew have all learned to sleep while standing & eating anyway!

      • Nice try!
        Unfortunately due to Union rules, first meal must be a 15 course fest of reheated food that was prepared no earlier than the day before.
        Good news!
        Pot noodles are among the favorite choices, if not the absolute fave, for “substantials” which are served 4 hours after call, and general snacking “craft service” which is available all day on a constant basis.
        Yes, we get breakfasts, too, even if we start at 7:00 PM. Although many want things like bacon, eggs, porridge, etc… I find many enjoy pot noodles and toast.

        • What about weird, subversive orders, such as: “I want, nae DEMAND caviar and jam soup!”? That’s the type of thing I’d order.

          Pot Noodles and toast? One of my recipes on here a few years ago was a Pot Noodle Sandwich. Actually, that’s given me an idea for today’s post. THANK you, Resa, I am much obliged!

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