Shepherd’s Pie is one of the all-time great recipes. No matter how inept you are in the kitchen, it’s a dish you can rustle up simply by cooking a bit of veg and meat, then mashing some potatoes. Granted, if you don’t have any arms, or you’re feeble and puny, then the mashing bit is going to be an ordeal. As a mash substitute, we recommend instant mash or get a hulking great bodybuilder like Arnold Schwarzenegger to do it for you. We hear he’s on loan for such occasions.

Alternatively, you could try our latest recipe: Shepherd’s Pi. It’s much like the normal dish, but with a more numerical theme. Indeed, pi is central to this one, and whilst the symbol for pi (π) is how you must bake this version, you’re free to add in whatever numbers you like to add a bit of sugar and spice. We can highly recommend 7 – it is a great number.

Shepherd’s Pie: The Life of Pies

Pi is a mathematical constant – the ratio of a circle’s circumference to its diameter. This is the now legendary: 3.14159265359. That number is pi. It’s an irrational number, which means pi is mentally unstable. Consequently, we feel baking it up in some comfort food will help its fractured state of mind.

How does one bake numbers into a pie? It’s a lot easier than you might first think. All it takes is a trip to your local store to purchase a calculator or two. Once home, add together a sum (such as 5+7) and then hit the equals button. Voila, you have an ingredient! Chuck the calculator into the vegetables and meat mix, cook to the max, and prepare the oven.

Of course most smartphones have a calculator these days, so feel free to fling your iPhone in to bake in temperatures of up to 50 degrees as well. iPhones may be expensive, but we’re talking about cooking here! Nothing is more important than a tasty meal.

Shepherd’s Pi – The Verdict!

The cooked product is a numerical delight which would have amazed Einstein or the Michelin Man (who invented Michelin stars). Of course eating it poses an extremely serious choking hazard, so we recommend you simply sit around watching the meal after it’s cooked. This may induce severe hunger pangs, but you have to either abstain from consumption or face chewing on a bit of gross plastic. Heck, you made the meal, what were you expecting?!

It may seem unusual to cook a meal you’re not going to eat, but this is what Shepherd’s Pi is all about – it’s about embracing your mathematical side! Plus, afterwards, you can take pictures of the dish and post them on your social media accounts, like the raging Hipster you well and truly are. Marvellous!