Flamingos – the most unnecessarily flamboyant creatures on Earth. What evolutionary trait can have a bird with emaciated and spindly legs stay that way for millions of years? Seriously, at what stage of adaptation did being bright pink, loud, and hugely ineffective at fending off psychotic predators (such as sabre toothed tigers) help in any way? Looking like that, it’s a miracle the species isn’t extinct.
Think about it. Say you’re a lion striding along. You’re hungry and you’re looking for something to catch your attention. What’s going to do that? A belligerent elephant? Gazelles, with their camouflage and remarkable bursts of speed? A bloody honey badger?! Or a swarm of braying, squawking, bright pink birds hanging about on the water’s edge? My word, this species is, as the youth of today put it, “dumb”.
The Flamingo vs Evolution
Okay, so the things can fly and those massive beaks probably come in handy scooping up fish and fending off invasive tourists eager to take a Selfie. This does not explain the colour pink this species has decided to make its own. Why on Earth have they gone for that?
We’re presuming, in the area of the world these winged beasts inhabit, there are a lot of rather spectacular sunsets – blood red, purple, and pink sunsets. At some stage in history, the flamingo clearly decided this was a really effective colour to inhabit, as it seemingly provided the perfect foil against predators at dawn and dusk. Thusly, the flamingo went pink in order to camouflage itself from its many enemies.
The big problem with this decision is sunset and sunrise barely last more than 10 minutes a day… combined! This leaves the flamingo utterly defenceless to volatile physical attacks throughout the course of each and every day, until of course the sun finally sets on another hellish day of rampant exposure. For the flamingo, night time is an ally.
In terms of a stressful lifestyle, this is pretty full on. Luckily, it appears the flamingo is so unbelievably fatuous this state of affairs is of no concern. Either this or, as they tend to gather in vast numbers, predators can pick and choose at leisure without adversely denting the flamingo population. The Darwin Awards were invented for one species, it seems, and it is the flamingo.
The Snooty Flamingo
In addition to their fashion issues, are they snooty? By snooty we mean this: stuck up, poncy, pretentious, above everything. Are they? Judging from the image above, the flamingo is looking down upon the world with a grimace. It’s like a member of the Royal family who’s come across a fast food joint and doesn’t know how to handle it. The best option? Sneer!
We shouldn’t make wild assumptions, we suppose. After all, one cannot judge a flamingo by its enormously bizarre nose thing and halfwit eyeballs. No, we can judge them on their ability to moronically pursue the worst camouflage colour in the history of time. Imbeciles!