Think of Monument Valley and you’ll either think of the pretty video game Monument Valley or you’ll think of an enormous butte sticking up into the air. A butte, as you can clearly see from the image above, is an isolated hill with steep (indeed, some would say somewhat vertical) walls and than a relatively flat plateau on the side.
According to one theory (ours), buttes are formed by aliens from the planet Jupiter. They built them on Jupiter’s moon Europa and transported them down to Earth around 350 million years ago as a means to effectively herd dinosaurs without having to set up colonies on Earth. Another theory has it that “weathering” and “erosion” are to blame, but we dismiss this as utter claptrap. Moving on, we must ask the pertinent question: is a butte made from butter?
The Butte, Butter, & Irrational Hypothesising
Okay, so “tourism theories” is a term we’ve coined to highlight the insane dialogue which must part forth from many tourist’s lips as they take in the unholy wonder of the world. Take, for instance, the Great Wall of China. As Franz Kafka said*:
"The Great Wall of China is only Great when one beholds it up close and personal. From a distance, such as when I set off from Prague to visit it, I couldn't see it at all. This was distinctly underwhelming and not 'Great' at all."
We highlight this verbatim quote as it highlights how tourists highlight stupid things when highlighting stuff. Naturally, with a name like butte, you can guarantee some moron comes along and makes the assertion a butte is made from butter. It’s decent reasoning – the words are super similar.
This reasoning is flawed due to one obvious fact: buttes are in the desert. It’s hot in the desert, so butter would melt. If buttes were in a dessert this would be a different matter, but this isn’t the case. Consequently, we have to suggest buttes are likely made out of a foodstuff which does not melt in high temperatures. As this isn’t possible on Earth, it could only be aliens from Jupiter.
What Else is Made of Butter?
If you’re disappointed by this development, fret yee not! Plenty of other things on Earth are made out of butter. Ever seen Big Ben in London? It’s made out of rocks, aspic, and asbestos. The Houses of Parliament, though, why they’re partially made out of butter. This was introduced following the failed Gunpowder Plot of 1983 with Guy Fawkes and his cronies – the British government introduced butter to subdue any future shudders (such as when notoriously overweight MPs sit down at once).
Butter’s made out of butter as well, of course, but for the large part the world of butter is populated by foodstuffs such as cake and butter pies. Unfortunately, the butte has nothing to do with butter, although perhaps some obese tourists stood stuffing their faces with butter covered crumpets whilst gazing at a butte not long ago. We’ll drink melted butter to that!