In Praise of Clouds

In praise of clouds
What a disgusting spectacle!

It’s summer and, my word, we’re going to stare at the sky and dribble a bit in satisfaction as we take in the splendorous magnificence of clouds. Yes, those big fluffy things are a joy to behold, especially during the summer months. We’re going to praise them as a result and take a look at why they are praiseworthy. Innit.

It was once said by nobody that clouds are the art of the sky. Without clouds, the sky would be this stupid blue thing which doesn’t do anything – no rain, no thunder, not even the slightest bit of drizzle. It’d be boring, which is why we’re praising those glorious clouds today. Hurray!

The Beauty of Clouds

Whilst films and Disney cartoons have romanticised clouds as bouncy things which are all lovely and that, they are in fact an aerosol made up of a visible mass of minute liquid droplets or frozen crystals. These are made out of water and chemicals. It other words, clouds aren’t lovely. They’re disgusting creations from mother nature’s innards.

Despite this icky beginning in life, clouds are rather glorious things. Over the millenia, many painters have stopped to paint them. It’s believed even Donald Trump begins each morning by brushing his curtains to one side, landing one (ahoy, scatological humour), and then gawping in disbelief at the majesty of the Earth’s atmosphere.

Clouds also bring rain, of course, and if clouds were there 24/7 we’d all die hideous deaths due to a lack of sun exposure. Consequently, it’s just as well the Earth rotates so clouds move and allow different areas of the world to bask in sunrays.

Cloud Spotting

It is a common and voyeuristic (making it, therefore, a perverse act) occurence for humans to look at clouds and pretend they see shapes analogous to other stuff. Some people over the years have claimed to see clouds which resemble an atom bomb, Satan, John Lennon, Damon Hill, Atilla the Hun, and Margaret Thatcher.

Whether this is true or not, do not be fooled by delusional imbeciles who claim the clouds are trying to tell us stuff. Whilst this is true in certain cases (please see the Lion King for evidence), most of the times clouds are cloud shaped as they want no direct relationship with perverted humans ogling them from below.

Thusly, we’re currently going to do our cloud brethren a favour and call on the UK government to enact the Surreptitious Termination Undulation Pending Idiotic Dickheads act. Also known as STUPID, it’ll keep the masses from taking visual advantage of clouds which may, for all we know, want some privacy.

Keep this in mind the next time you contemplate the Earth’s grandeur from a distance. You have been warned.

One comment

  1. I’m sure Donald Trump is responsible for all of the good things about clouds, and Hillary Clinton is responsible for all bad things about clouds. I’m sure DT would agree, and add that Hillary should be investigated by the FBI or CIA for her lying role as a cloud disturber.
    On a prettier note:
    “I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It’s cloud illusions I recall
    I really don’t know clouds at all”
    -Joni Mitchell


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