Exclusive Recipe: Tumble Dryer Eggs (like scrambled eggs, but with tumble dryers)

Tumble dryer eggs

The need to be more environmentally friendly when cooking is paramount, pertinent, perplexing, pernicious, palpable, provocative, and perpendicular.

Indeed, in these heady days of organic donuts, vegan-friendly keyboards, and socially acceptable racism (thanks to the fatuous Brexit vote), we need a solution to scrambled eggs.

Yes, turning on your gas or electric cooker is a huge drain on the Earth’s reserves. Even making scrambled eggs must be considered with restrained aplomb, in the same way one may want to punch someone who takes Selfies in the face.

This is rude, so one must restrain. Luckily, the tumble dryer is the solution to your egg and violence based needs!

Tumble Dryer Eggs

You’ll need a tumble dryer, of course. Eggs, too! Once you’re set up there you can wave goodbye to your kitchen (unless your tumble dryer is in your kitchen, of course) and say hello to wherever you keep your tumble dryer.

Once in there, all you have to do is crack up around 30 or some eggs into your tumble dryer, switch it on to maximum heat, and let the machine do its thing for around 20 minutes or so. The result? Tumble dryed eggs, not dislike scrambled eggs! Who dislikes scrambled eggs? Not even Satan!

Of course, there’s a strange aftertaste of the tumble bit of the tumble dryer which you’ll notice and (eventually) get used to.

Some of our critics have also pointed out this is a less environmentally friendly way of making scrambled eggs than the traditional method we’ve attempted to emulate.

Balderdash! Although scrambling eggs on a cooking device invariably takes around 120 seconds or so, the 20 solid minutes of superfluous tumble drying is negated by the number of eggs you can put in the tumble drum.

Indeed, wimpy frying pans can barely hold three or four eggs at a time! A tumble dryer? Hundreds! Go mad if you want—make the world’s biggest scrambled egg dinner!

Can I do my Drying at the Same Time?

The brilliance of this recipe is that yes, you can. If you’ve got recently washed clothes, merely bung them into the tumble dryer with your eggs and blast on full heat to do two tasks at once (thusly securing the environmental credentials of this meal).

Of course, you’ll have to spend several hours picking the bits of scrambled egg out of your clothes after everything has cooked/dried, but so what?

It’s not like you’ve got a job to go to! It’s also for the good of the world so shut your stupid face and resort to the tumble dryer.

You can cook other things in it as well, such as steak, boiled eggs, haggis, bovril, gravy, spinach, and shepherd’s pie. Truly… this is a world changing recipe!


  1. Perhaps the aftertaste is due to the use of softener sheets in the dryer? I propose that the aftertaste could be eliminated by not softening one’s laundry with this … not environmentally sound product. Another bonus of this approach to scrambled eggs. The armed services really should embrace this recipe, as they need to scramble hundreds of eggs at once for mess.


Dispense with some gibberish!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.