Great Sayings Revisited: If it Ain’t a Bloke, Don’t Fix it

If it ain't a bloke, don't fix it
Bloody sexism everywhere.

This horrendously sexist saying has been around far too long and is a disgusting relic from the era of patriarchy! We think… it’s early in the morning and we can’t get our brains around what the saying means. Let’s take a look – okay, here we go: “if”… yeah, we know what that is, and “it ain’t a” kind of makes sense, but we’d have used “isn’t”. “Bloke”? That’s misandry right there! “Don’t fix it”? Well if it’s broken it’ll need fixing… what’s with this goddamn saying?!

What we gather from it is this: only men are worth fixing. What this suggests is men are often broken, which is sexist. However, it also suggests women are always broken, which is sort of sexist as well. Why would anyone use such a horrifically archaic maxim? Arguably the construction industry is to blame as it singles out what can and can’t be fixed. So, it’s bloody capitalism and DIY rearing its rusty hammer again! Let’s admonish this thing once and for all.

If it Ain’t a Bloke, Don’t Fix it

The ironic thing about only fixing men, of course, is the world would reach a point where there would be nothing left except blokes. This would be peculiar as it would signal the end of the species, which means men would eventually all die off and hamsters (presumably) would inherit the Earth (they are meek, after all).

Many great intellects over the aeons have postulated over what would bring about the demise of humanity, focusing on possibilities such as overpopulation, climate change, nuclear war, asteroid impacts, or obsessive compulsive nose picking contests which lead to eventual starvation (the latter is our theory, do note).

No one in their right mind would have guessed overweight, hairy builders who like to show off bum cleavage would bring about the demise of the human race. We mean, not even the legendary Professional Moron could have foreseen it!

Saving Humanity

This isn’t so much a call to arms, it’s more of a call to… farms? Okay, so that sentence went wrong, but needless to say we’re Hell-bent on saving men and women alike from a fate as worse as death. Obviously, the first step is to force all builders through a brainwashing programme which will make them less hairy, sweaty, and prone to leering at women.

After this, we can focus on making them to stop using this stupid saying. How does one change the habit of a lifetime? Get them to work at gunpoint, of course! Indeed, get everyone to work at gunpoint and soon we’ll have eradicated this species threatening saying off the face of the planet.

It may seem somewhat draconian, but this is about survival here! When the going gets tough, the tough start wielding weaponry to make their point, so let us all bask in the glory of how Professional Moron saved the universe. You’re bloody welcome!


  1. An excellent theory about the demise of humanity, although I’m inclined to the overpopulation theory.
    Actually… I believe a “call to farms” is how we can fix the mess. 😀


    • Sorry, but I don’t agree. It’s definitely going to be nose picking related, I’m convinced of it and I will disseminate this theory until everyone agrees with me. So there.


Dispense with some gibberish!

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