It’s about bloody time those slimy, manipulative fruits known as mushrooms lived up to their name for once and didn’t con the general public at large with devious tactics. Indeed, since when did anyone ever get a room with their mushroom? No one! Ever! Not even the bloody Marquis de Sade!
Being proactive sorts, we like to redress the balance by creating something which may excite hippies from the ’60s, but has nothing to do with LSD, Grace Slick, white rabbits, or needing somebody to love. Indeed, it’s about us building a room out of mushrooms and charging people to sit in it until the initial awe subsides (which takes about 120 seconds). Onwards!
The Mush Room
In terms of feasibility, having a normal, everyday, standard, traditional building with one room in it (innit) made entirely out of mushrooms is entirely possible. It’s just stupid and pointless and would only be carried out by imbeciles.
Thankfully, this is us through and through! Indeed, we put it to the test on the Professional Moron office here in Manchester. We turned our bathroom into a fully functioning Mush Room! It’s surprisingly simple and cost-effective – we just detonated some semtex in the old one, bought a load of mushrooms from Aldi (mega-cheap supermarket here in the UK – you can get about 1,000 mushrooms for $5), and glued them in place in the areas missing bits of bathroom.
Granted, the police soon arrived and Mr. Wapojif was carted back off to the police station again to be questioned, but the rest of the staff finished up the job and we have the world’s first, fully functioning, and utterly glorious Mush Room!
Admittedly, we didn’t do anything to fix the rampaging leaks which were thundering away from the shattered toilet, sink, and bathtub unit, but then nothing’s perfect, eh? So we immediately stuck a sign outside (as well as on social media) to invite dimwitted local Mancs up for an exclusive viewing.
This is Madness!
Not as mad as our crazily cheap ticket prices! With tickets costing a mere £50 for two minutes of viewing time, locals were soon queuing up to get a glimpse of our latest creation. Queues stretched down the corridor, with several potentially senile OAPs regularly asking us what on Earth was going on.
Once we got them into the Mush Room, feelings ranged from general disappointment to outright fear or outrage. To try and quell the negative consumer reaction, we foisted bargain bin foodstuffs onto them in order to assuage their
We had the fabled mushroom ice cream and mushroom soup on the boil. We even simply tipped 100 mushrooms into a big pan and had them frying away – we found handing a bowl of soggy mushrooms over to enraged consumers really helped to calm them down as, in utter bafflement, they tried to work out what the heck was going on.
Using this tactic, so much mushroom stench was filling the atmosphere making everyone nauseous they’d drift in and out of the premises completely bewildered about whether they’d really seen a Mush Room or not. The truth? You can’t handle the truth!