Ah, Terminator 2: Judgment Day from 1991. What a film it is. It’s a stone cold classic and almost certainly the best movie Arnold Schwarzenegger has been in.
Along with “I’ll be back” from the first Terminator, the second threw up fun quotes as well – “hasta la vista, baby” (gibberish, frankly, and impossible for a Quote Off), and the famous adage “Come with me if you want to live”… but what if the Terminator had malfunctioned and said something else?
Come with me if you want to live
This line is bold, to the point, and free from grammatical errors. Big Arnie mumbles it at Sarah Connor after she’s been locked up in a loony bin for her deranged ranting about things like Big Arnie. Thankfully, Big Arnie arrives to save the day!
Come with me if you want a sieve
Presumably, sieves were hard to come by in prison. We guess Sarah Connor was desperate to sieve some things, such as recently boiled rice, kidney beans, or flour.
Come with me if you want to be subjective
Well, it’s important to be impartial about things. The curse of objectivity – it’s good Big Arnie is forcing this on the world with brutal efficiency: “Be subjective or die!” has a real ring to it.
Come with me if you want to lift
Lift weights, of course. How else do you think the Terminator got so buff? They didn’t build him like that, you know?
Come with me if you want to give (birth, that is)
Surely the Terminator has more than one function? In the distant future, technology must be adept enough to allow a giant, merciless killing machine robot with an Austrian accent to also be, say, a midwife in downtime.
Come with me if you want to be vomitive
As in, Sarah Connor, the kid, and Big Arnie went on a big night out to celebrate and got a bit puke happy.
Come with me if you want to be argumentative
We guess Big Arnie and Connor got stuck in a debate about politics, or something, and it all got a bit tedious.
Come with me if you want to fib
Why would Sarah Connor tell lies, Big Arnie? She’s telling the TRUTH!
Come with me if you want to be radioactive
Jesus, Big Arnie, what have you got planned, exactly? We suppose they’re trying to stop nuclear weapons going off but, you know, the idea is to STOP them… although some radioactive residue will no doubt reach them anyway, so it makes some sense.
Come with me if you want to be attractive
Well that’s just rude. Sarah Connor is quite the looker, if we may say so ourselves.
Comb with me if you want to live
Perhaps Sarah Connor’s lice problem was so horrific, the Terminator came back in time to ensure she combed those bastards out. Thanks, Big Arnie!
Come with me if you want to be called Viv
Maybe Sarah Connor wanted to change her name. Perhaps the banality of being a Sarah was just too much. Viv Connor has a certain swing to it.
Come with me if you aren’t a div
Connor ain’t no div, Big Arnie, she’ll go with you until the ends of the Earth.
Come with moi if you want to live
Given Furlong’s character had been teaching Big Arnie about youth slang, he could have dropped this one in to lighten the tone a tad.
Come with me if you want an olive
All of that mayhem… just because Sarah Connor wants some olives? That’s taking foodie to a ridiculous high, we have to say. Stupid woman.